Snnnnnnoorrrreeeee.....

Sorry. I just almost passed out at my computer, which would not be a good thing since my two year old is downstairs with a cup of water and a palette of watercolors. I'm trying to nurture her artistic spirit, and so far she's really digging it, so I'm going with it. I love seeing what she comes up with and have several of her masterpeices posted around our home. I'm unbelievably tired right now and am looking forward to going to bed early, if that turns out to be possible. Exciting, I know, but I had a day of doing lots of running around and constantly being "on" and I'm worn out now that the day is melting into the beginning of evening (although, I have to admit, that I mean "melting" only in a figurative sense; it's still quite light outside, if not a bit overcast). I read an article in a parenting magazine today wherein a woman talked about her child's siblings. I felt a twinge in my stomach as I read about how her daughter interacts with her brother and sister, how they help her as she learns the art of growing from a baby into a little girl. I felt sad because I am one of six children, I'm close with all of my siblings and am glad I have them, and I know that my daughter will never have that bond with a brother or sister herself. You might think that there is no way I can know this with certainty, but I know this as surely as I know that the cow jumps over the moon (I swear that I actually saw this happen during an all nighter when my daughter was in her first few days of life-at least, it sure looked like a cow...). It's amazing how much our bodies tell us if we're in tune with their rythms. When my little one was almost ready to make her appearance on the stage of life, I began feeling an urgency to get my house ready for her arrival and to finish my projects at work as much as was possible. Although everyone laughed and said I still had time, I knew that I did not. I could feel my body telling me that it could contain her no more and that soon I would be holding my daughter in my arms rather than in my belly. My last day of work at my old job was the day I went into labor (I actually began going into labor at work, but I was in denial about the fact for a few hours); I worked up to the last possible minute because deep down inside I knew I would not be returning and I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else to resolve. Recently, I thought about how nice it would be to have a son. His name would be William, after my grandfather (Will for short), and he would be as full of life and vigor as his older sister. He's just a dream. I know in my heart that no more children will make residence within my body, however, and I'm okay with that. Pregnancy wasn't all that much fun, even though there were moments that were positively magical and those moments are ones I wouldn't trade for all the cranberries on the Cape (or that used to be on the Cape for companies like Ocean Spray took over the cranberry industry). The moment I saw my daughter for the first time far surpassed any sickness or other discomfort experienced while I was carrying her. I enjoy being able to focus all of my attention on her, though. My energies aren't drained by the attention of many; we can afford to take her places that we couldn't visit if we had more than one child and I have a very special bond with her. And, I'm too tired at the end of the day to be able to even imagine having any more kids!