Back Home from N.O.

We had a great time in Louisiana. We flew into New Orleans on Friday and despite the fact that our plane was an hour and a half late and it took an hour at the car rental place, we had a great night in the city, eating dinner at a cozy Cajun restaurant and wandering around the streets for a bit. New Orleans is back to being New Orleans; the streets were packed with people reveling and otherwise carrying on, art galleries and funky antiques shops can be found on every street in great abundance, there are so many great places to eat it was difficult to choose. The architecture in N.O. is gorgeous; so many old buildings dressed up in decorative iron, with long, thin windows their eyes to the world. N and I saw one that appeared to be empty and we stood in the street for awhile fantasizing about buying it and fixing it up into a home/storefront. On a more unfortunate note, the city has experienced a rise in crime as of late, but we did not encounter any ruffians in search of money for drugs or anything else while we were touristing the streets. On Saturday we drove up to see my husband's family, two hours north in Lafayette. We visited several different places while we were there, including an old cemetary where my husband's great-great grandfather, who served in the Confederacy during the Civil War, is buried. I finally got to "meet" N's Grandma, Jeanne, who apparently was quite a character in life and who I wish I'd had an opportunity to meet while she was still on this side of the veil. Our trip home flowed without incident and we got back on Wednesday afternoon. It took all day for us to recover from traveling; even today I feel a bit tired and am tempted to forgo the gym, but I won't. It's nice to be home again. Our kitty missed us, and I'm happy to see life returning to its normal flow. The holidays are wonderful but grueling, and for a Jew the whole Christmas season can be a bit tiring. I hope y'all have a fun and safe New Year's celebration!!!

War is Over???

Wouldn't it be nice if this were true? I don't know where my brother is; he has not spoken to our family in two years due to an argument he had with my stepmother and for all we know he could be in Iraq. He's a Marine who had gotten out early in order to raise his daughter and be home with his young wife, but I believe the stipulation was that he would have to go into the Reserves for two years. We all know what that means-most people in the Reserves end up in Iraq due to the fact that this war has been dragging on for way too long and the military is in desperate need of service people.

We leave for Louisiana this Friday to see Hubby's family for five days. I'm looking forward to spending an afternoon and night in New Orleans and then being out of town for a few days. Florida is wearing a bit thin right now. The rate of violence has skyrocketed here lately, and the criminals seem to have no conscience these days. I know I've written about this before, but it really upsets and disturbs me. I still do not understand the need for murdering an eight year old little girl and her mother at the mall over a few bucks. If you're going to be scumbag and rob someone, at least be responsible enough to wear a mask so they don't have to lose their lives over your selfishness/lazyness/stupidity. Whoever did this WILL be caught, and when they are I hope they don't expect much sympathy from the jury.

On another note, I hope everyone is having and continues to have a happy holiday season. May you all be surrounded by people who love you and be filled with peace, warmth, and the deepest of joy. Shalom!

2 Miles

Well, I did not manage to paint today (yet) but I did accomplish running two miles at the gym today. At first I didn't think much of it, but after I got home I realized that two miles is the furthest I've run to this point in time. I'm happy about that; I only have 1/2 an hour for cardio and 1/2 an hour for weight training so I have to cram whatever running I do into that time slot, so I ran hard for about five minutes at the end of my run and got the two miles. Admittedly, I have lots of work to do, but it's all about progress and making the effort to get out there.

There is lots of holiday madness going on here in South Florida. Recent violent episodes at a nearby mall have taken the "mall wind" out of my shopping sails (not that there was much more than a breeze there before anyway). The most recent attack occurred on a woman with an eight year old daughter; they were found dead in the parking lot at Town Center Mall in Boca Raton and robbery was the suspected motive. Moms with kids are great targets for cowardly thieves who want an easy mark and I am constantly on the alert for suspicious people who might be hovering nearby when we're getting into my car. The problem is that it is impossible to be fully aware of what is going on around you when you're trying to get a three year old to climb into her carseat and then sit still long enough to be buckled in. This danger lurks everywhere-at the supermarket, the library, anyplace we have to go to do anything. I pray that the above killer is caught soon; it is troubling that violence here seems to be on the rise.

Yoram Ranaan

I love this man's artwork, check this out:

http://www.aish.com/societyWork/arts/Yoram_Raanan.asp

I'm floored, awed, inspired.

Art and Other Musings

(Above painting: Paul Gauguin, "Where do we come from? What are We? Where are we going?")

I've been really having the bug lately to paint, to be creative. I know I've written about this in the past but I never seem to have the time time to actually engage in any creative pursuits, and my life is only getting busier as my daughter gets older and Hubster's business grows. This means that it is more crucial then ever for me to find a way to make time for my creative pursuits. I think that one of the more difficult aspects of being a mother and someone's wife is that keeping track of who one is a person in her own right can become difficult. Life is consumed by menial tasks like laundry and cleaning house, and by highly meaningful activities such as cooking with my daughter, playing at the park, and learning the alphabet. The mother of the house needs to be a very strong, supportive individual. Without her strength and positivity the rest of the house very often will fall into disrepair. That is not to say that we can't ever lapse in our strength and lean on our mate-not at all. I've just noticed that when I'm not in a positive headspace, my mate often falls into the chasm of "bad attitude" as well. He often tells me that his own optimism is fueled, in large part, by my own. This means that if I'm in a depression or otherwise in an unhealthy state of being his own state of being is influenced in a negative way.

This brings me back to the necessity of artistic time. I have a painting I have been working on forever. I want and need to complete it, both so that I can give it to the intended recipient and so that I can begin new projects. I NEED to paint in order to be completely healthy and happy. I need this for my own peace of mind and the peace of mind and well being of my family. This may sound extreme, but I'm sure that anyone out there who is a creative sort will understand the need for an artist to create, for a musician to play, for a writer to write. Artists such as Vincent Van Gogh and Frida Kahlo have both said that art was something they needed to do for their survival, the only thing that soothed their minds. Indeed, for me it is the only activity that quiets my mind and puts me back on track. That said, my plan this week is to set aside a few nights a week, beginning this week, to paint. This will be difficult, since by nighttime I am usually tired, but I think that if I can just begin a routine it will become easier as I go along. I can use this blog to tell on myself when I don't keep up on this promise to myself. Wish me luck!

Sniffle Snuffles

Everyone in our house is sick today. Little One came down with a cold on Wednesday, and Hubby and I followed suit soon after. My eyes are so dry they keep blurring when I try to read; I'm having trouble even reading the words on the computer screen. Me thinks it best to get Bebe into bed early and snuggle down under the covers and maybe read or watch some television. Hubby and I are already so tired, and the day/night is clearly shot.

My Mom recently found out that my brother, who has been MIA from the family for about two years, might have been living in California recently. She sent an invitation to him, which was forwarded to a military base in California and then delivered back to her because he was no longer at that location. This is disturbing to me because my brother is in the Marines but got out about two years ago. With this never ending war going on it's possible that he got called back in, and he could be anywhere right now. I don't like the idea that he could be in Iraq right now, getting shot at for the drunken frat boy who has driven this country into a ditch. I can feel a rant coming on so I'll spare everyone and sign off.

No HNT

No HNT today, due to the fact that I didn't have time to take the picture I'd planned. Bebe is still sick, although not as boogery as she was yesterday, and I had errands to run and shopping to do for Hubby's gifts. I went into Target to buy just a few things and ended up spending $100.00. Yikes!!!! That hurt. For those of you living in cold climes, I'm sending you some Florida warmth. I took this picture yesterday morning at sunrise, just outside my front door. I like the look of the silhouetted trees. There was a beautiful moon smiling down on me, which was what inspired me to run inside and get the digital camera, but it didn't translate as well as I'd hoped so I aimed elsewhere. Yesterday's picture shows the moon and, I think, Venus, but it appears so tiny in the shot that the feeling is lost. I'm heading off to bed; I can't think of anything witty or interesting to type.

2nd Night and a Christmas Dilemma

Tonight is the second night of Hanukkah. I have dinner simmering on the stove and in a little while we'll eat and have our second night of Hanukkah happiness. I was hit with an issue today, though, and one that has been coming up more and more often as our daughter gets older and understands or at least notices more about the things she sees. She has arrived at the stage of questioning and her mind is very impressionable, and I'm careful about what I tell her right now, careful about the shows that are playing on the t.v. when she is still awake at night. A couple of months ago Hubby was invited by his church to a Christmas Pageant. It's supposed to be a hugely popular affair and at first I didn't see anything wrong with us going as a family. I was told it would be great fun for Bebe, that there would be animals involved, etc. Today I checked the website and discovered that the event is put on by a local Baptist church and that due to the length of the show (2 1/2 hours) and the content of the show (the show is about the entire life of Jesus, including the crucifixion, which I am not so sure I want my daughter watching at the tender age of 3) the show is recommended for children 4 and above. There is no way my daughter will be able to sit through this show, and, as a Jewish mother, I'm not so sure it's an appropriate show to take her to in the first place. Now I feel like the bad guy. Although I advised my husband that I didn't think we would be able to attend due to the time involved and the fact that our daughter can't even sit through a cartoon movie, let alone a Broadway style play, the fact is that the content bothers me as well.

Sooo..now it's about an hour later. Dinner is done, my husband went out and I'm not sure if he went to the show or to a regular guy's meetup that he sometimes attends on Wednesday nights. He was upset about us not attending the show as a family and now I'm hit with the "what if" guilts. What if our daughter would have loved the show, if she, by some miracle, sat through the whole thing and loved it, and now I'm depriving her of that experience? What if we went and all had a great time? What if this? What if that? It seems this was a no win situation. Although I know in my heart that Bebe would never have sat through the production, I feel guilty that we didn't go. In my heart, I know that I wasn't sure I wanted Little One watching the story of Jesus's life, even though I don't have anything against Jesus, just the Christianized interpretation of who he was. I don't have any problem with someone else believing in the Christian faith either, but I'm uncomfortable with taking our Jewish daughter to a show that has been lauded online as a program that has driven many to the faith of Christianity. Do I want to attend a show that's main goal is really to proselytize? The fact that I'm so upset about this really drives into the heart of my own love of Judaism; suddenly I'm super Jewish or something. **Abundant sighs.** Confused by some things, I am, but I know what I'm not. And, I know what my daughter is not. I just don't always know the right road to take with all of this parenting/wife stuff.

First Night

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah. We don't have anything super exciting planned, but we kind of like it that way these days. Sure, it would be nice to have some family around with whom to eat dinner and exchange gifts, but that isn't possible this year so we'll just have our own little family holiday experience. I'm going to make dinner (I was banished to the upstairs while Hubby wraps my gift and so took advantage of some blogging time) and then we'll light the first candle and give Bebe her first gift. She poked her little head into the laundry room earlier today and spied me wrapping one gift. I wasn't aware of her presence, but suddenly I heard a tiny voice say, "Hey, what's that Dora present?" I think that when it comes time to celebrate I'm going to turn Hubby's cell phone off. What is it with people making business calls at dinnertime? To me, it's so rude. I don't ever call people during dinner hours, although I do realize that dinnertime hours vary from household to household.

I've posted at different times about the spiritual path I walk, and how it, at times, separates greatly from any one solid organized religious way. I feel so strongly pulled toward my Celtic roots that it's hard for me to completely look away from them when it comes to how I connect with a Higher Power. That said, I am also intensely happy to be a part of the Jewish people. I might not be the "best Jew" around, I might not live my life in a completely kosher way, I might not believe everything Judaism tells me, but I love being Jewish just the same. Maybe someday I will completely walk the path of Judaism. I did recently find a book in a catalogue about how Judaism is connected with the wilds of nature and that interested me. To me, any sort of spirituality has to come from what's "out there": in the woods, on the beaches, in the wild grasses of mountain meadows, in the swampiness of the everglades, in the sparkling northern snowfalls. I do feel close to both my Irish roots and my Dutch Jewish ones; I need to celebrate them both, but maybe one day I'll find a way to accomplish that within the boundaries of Judaism. Right now, I'm where I'm at today, and I'm happy today with that!

Tired, Tired, Tired

I'm almost completely wiped out this evening. This morning I went to the gym for my first real workout in a long time. I dropped Little One at the child care center (which was a bit traumatic for me in itself since I've never left her anyplace like that before-my daughter was unphased and actually was excited to be there), got my bearings around the locker room, and proceeded to the workout area itself. I ran almost 2 miles on the treadmill, which I was happy about considering that it's been a long, long time since I've run. When I had about 7 minutes left to go my magazine fell onto the treadmill and flew back onto the floor. I'm grateful that I didn't go flying off the treadmill as I watched it whiz away, and even more grateful that it didn't hit anyone. After that I did some leg work ,some crunches, and then made my way back to the locker room. This is where I had a bit of trouble. It's embarassing to admit to this, but I'd envisioned the showers to be like the ones they offer at campgrounds. The ones at the gym offer much less privacy; they're somewhat private, but not as much as I would like. The woman I spoke with told me they don't have a curtain, and that she puts up a towel. I guess they kind of curve around so it's not that bad, but when I poked my head into the shower area the first sight to hit my eyes was a woman walking around stark naked and that was it for me. I grabbed my things and went to the "family locker room" which offer slightly more privacy, but less fancy dressing areas and, I think, maybe smaller showering stalls. I'm embarassed to admit that I'm this shy when it comes to other people seeing me sans clothing, or seeing other people that way, but I was mortified. Maybe I was just taken by surprise. I mean, I used to take drawing and painting classes with nude models and it never phased me much, aside from the time my then boyfriend decided to become one and posed for the class I was in. I will admit to leaving the class the first day he modeled for us because I couldn't stop giggling. It was like this fit of immature laughter; I couldn't hold it back. Also, I've been to strip clubs (only about three times-I swear!) and watched girls dance and didn't think much about them being naked aside from, wow, she's beautiful, or something like that. As far as the gym showers, I suppose I'll get over my sudden phobia; it was my first day there, and I'm not really used to public bathing areas or leaving my daughter with strangers. For now, I'm a little bit sore and very tired. I have coffee waiting downstairs to help me get through the dinner rush, and then I'm going to get Little One into bed and crash myself.