Safe at Home in the U.S. (for now...)

It's Thursday night, all is quiet and I have a pot of beef stew simmering on the stove. News from Israel made me cry earlier; I watched a newscast from Israel and it was frightening. The only thing that made me feel better was learning that many of the Labanese people don't agree with the recent violent actions that have been taken against Israel and some have actually gone to Israel to fight alongside the Israelis. I believe in my heart that G-d gave Israel to the Jewish people and that ultimately anyone who harms us will find nothing but pain and trouble. When I write this I do not mean that G-d doesn't love people of all religions, because I believe He does, just that others should maybe think about being open minded to the fact that although we might worship in different ways, live according to different traditions, and have different rituals through which which we keep our connection with G-d strong, that doesn't mean that we don't all enjoy an equal relationship with our Higher Power. Call Him whatever you want; I have to know what is right for me, as a Jew. I need to follow the path I was called to follow, to be the person G-d wants me to be. If I'm following the rituals that were given to my fellow tribesmen (and women) to keep us close to G-d, studying Torah, praying every day, keeping the Sabbath (I don't always succeed at this to the letter, but I'm doing the best I can right now), etc., I remain strong in my faith and I feel close to G-d. When I let these things slide I don't feel as close to G-d and I become more subsceptable to the lure of other religions. Since my husband isn't Jewish, this is even more of an issue for me. It's easier for me to follow his religion, less lonely going to church with him that to synagogue "alone", but the cost to my own peace of mind is too great. My soul is a Jewish soul; I cannot deny this any more than I can deny that I am a member of the human race. The crisis in Israel has only made me feel closer to her. And, I feel very grateful to be home tonight eating beef stew with my family. Just for today.

Spirituality Revisited

Over the past few months I've written a lot about my spiritual path; it has taken many twists and turns and I've felt much confusion. It doesn't help that everywhere Christian fundamentalists are telling me that if I'm not a Christian I'm going to hell, etc... The thing is, over the past three months that I've been trying to follow this path of Christianity with my husband I've felt more cut off from G-d than ever. I felt like my Judaism was keeping me on a clearer path, giving me ideas I could relate to and understand. In short, it felt like my soul, rather than an outergarment. Last night my husband was watching John Hagee on television and he began ranting about how environmentalists are screwing up our economy (I happen to be one of those environmentalists) by not allowing drilling to take place in the Arctic Refuge because we're trying to protect "some fuzzy little animals". Never mind that any oil found in the refuge isn't going to pull us out of the mess we're in with the oil situation (that is a collosal lie perpetuated by people who have money to be made in the oil industry. Do you think Exxon is going broke-no!!!). I was highly offended by that comment as well as by many other things he said. I used to leave the room when my husband would put him on but I've been trying to be open minded and to learn something. The problem is that in order to learn anything about Judaism you need to talk with a rabbi. Biblical translations don't seem to come out the same way when they are performed by Christians and Jews. For me, I tend to believe the Jewish ones; maybe I'm just biased. I felt like a rabbi never would have made the comments John Hagee made with regard to the oil crisis-at least, the rabbi at my temple wouldn't have. He believes that we are stewards of this earth and have an obligation to care for her. That is a part of how we show our respect for G-d. I've felt over the past three months that I've had to alter my gut feelings and beliefs so much that the ideas I was following didn't feel natural anymore. Now I feel like I can't be something I'm not, that in spite of my best intentions to keep my family unified through one religion I can't deny that part of my soul which is Jewish, which has always been Jewish. My hope is that I'm not offending anyone with this passage; I just felt a need to talk about it. This morning I read a peice on Aish.com called "-In My Father's Footsteps" which talked about how the writer's Father's deep committment to his Judaic path profoundly influenced his son's life in a beautiful way. By the end of the story I was in tears-deep, heartfelt tears. He talks about how in a world where assimilation is so rampant, his father reaffirmed his Jewish beliefs and in doing so gave his son a wonderful gift that he can now pass along to his own children. I encourage you to read it-it's under the "Family" section (http://www.aish.com/family/heart/In_My_Fathers_Footsteps.asp). Everyone must make their own decisions. I know for I cannot continue as I have been, feeling this wall between me and my higher power. Perhaps it comes from my family roots. I'm not sure.

Back in the Swing

I finally got caught up on all the work that piled up while I was gone. That meant spending a LONG time at my desk this morning, which Little R was not thrilled about, but at least it's done and I don't have to shrink back in horror every time I cast a glance over by the computer. Other than that I got tons of errands done today and will have some time free (hopefully) to spend in the pool tomorrow with a girl friend who is coming back again from a drunken episode. I do have to call some health insurance companies also, as it has recently come to light that the insurance we currently have might not be that good. I hate dealing with this sort of thing; there are so many creeps here in Florida, all promising that their health insurance is the best for the money being asked for. I don't know who to believe anymore, so I end up not believing anyone. I'm going to have to do what I should have done when we first began looking into obtaining health insurance-call companies on my own and get some quotes. I am well aware that this can take up oodles of time but hope that if I get an early start I can get a few quotes to show to hubby before the whole first half of our day is shot out!!! On a creative note, I purchased a couple of really cool brushes while I was in Mass. but so far have not been able to use them yet. There is never enough time in my day and I'm STILL trying to figure out a way to work artistic time into my day. I was so burned out before our vacation, and this was largely due to not having my creative outlet.
p.s.-My image refused to upload, thus I have none with this post...

Just getting home

I just returned from a two week trip to Massachusetts to visit family. It was a nice visit; just long enough to make me happy to be back home, although I miss everyone already. Sleeping on an air mattress and living in someone else's house gets tiring after awhile. N came up and I had an opportunity to show him Cape Cod; he loves it there but his business license is here so I don't see us moving up north any time soon. Please pray for me that our hurricane season is less exciting than forecasters predict. I felt like the time spent up north gave my daughter and I special time to really bond, without the distractions of work and home responsibilities. My family was really knocked out by her; she has so much personality and is talking everyone up, learning new words every day and repeating everything she hears. N and I are beginning to play the "spell words out" game because little R knows what so many words mean now. Say "cookie" and you'd better have a sweet in hand or you might just lose a few fingers. It's funny, I've heard people call us native Massachuseans "Massholes", but people were very courteous to me while I was there. Around Miami people usually won't stop to let me cross the street, even with the baby carriage, but up north people were stopping to let me cross the street, smiling at me. Getting off the airplane into Miami International Airport, I definitely knew I was back in my other home. The sound of Spanish is so familiar to my ears that I'm beginning to learn the language without much effort on my part, and my husband met me in front of a Cuban restaurant with a few shots of Cuban coffee, which I love (for those uneducated in coffee, Cuban coffee comes in "shot" cups for a very good reason; I drank about three or four after arriving back in Florida and was flying high for short while). We walked outside to the warm embrace of a muggy Miami afternoon, battled rude drivers on the highway home, and pulled into our apartment complex at around 3PM where I crashed from days and days of non stop running and nights filled with sporadic sleep episodes. Life is good.