The Ups and Downs of Parenting

I think that anyone who is a parent will be able to identify with how difficult it is some days to feel like you're doing the best job you can. Not a good job, or an okay job, but the very best job. Most days I feel pretty good with regard to my parenting abilities. My daughter is the center of my world, and I stay at home to care for her. We go to the park, cook, do craft projects here and there, go the museums for kids and adults both, as well as do the daily errands of life, which can be turned into fun excursions, occasionally. Still, some days, like yesterday, I'm tired, don't feel completely well, and feel like a colossal failure. And, I don't feel like a colossal failure because of how our whole day went. Our day was alright. We read stories, went out for awhile to run errands, played with her toys for a bit. I had work to do for N, so we didn't get to run around outside as much as I'd like for her to do, but we went to the park every other day this week, so a day off isn't something I feel too badly about. No, I felt like a failure because when I came home last night at almost 10:00 p.m., after going to a badly needed meeting, the house was a mess and Bebe was still up and was very cranky because she was, by then, overtired. Daddy didn't put her to bed, for some reason, and by 10 she was beside herself. I was way too tired by last night to have the kind of patience I usually have and I found myself feeling resentful that the house was a mess, there were dishes in the sink, and the garbage was filled to the brim, almost overflowing the banks of the trash can. As as result of being tired and of suffering from major anxiety as a result of some fears I have with regard to our economy and the slowdown of the construction industry, I was cranky last night as well. I didn't say anything nasty, or do anything evil, but I didn't behave in the way I feel like I should as a parent, who is supposed to be one hundred percent supportive and loving and patient all the time. It's amazing how having a child and feeling a love for that child which we never previously knew could even exist can make us want to stretch ourselves to inhuman lengths, to be more than we think we can be and to reach even further still past that point. Each time I fell in love I thought, with progressive intensity, "Yes, this is what love is. Now I get it." After I gave birth to my daughter I understood what love was on a whole new level. It's so hard to live up to what I want to be for her sake. And so worth every minute spent on the effort.

All of this said, I feel that not enough attention is being paid to the subject of Madeleine McCann, who has been missing since May 3rd. I see all sorts of headlines on Yahoo's front page, and not one of them mentions this little girl. Because I have a daughter close to her age, the subject really rips at my heart. Please check out this website: http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/.
I pray for her and her family that she is brought home safely. This is such a scary and horrible thing; I pray they find her safe and sound and catch whoever took her.