Monday Monday

I've taken a bunch of new pictures but have not yet been able to find the time to upload any of them into my computer. Since I don't feel like purusing the internet right now, I'll skip showing a picture today. My brain feels like overcooked scrambled eggs right now; I managed to more or less stick to a schedule of sorts today, which resulted in a good day for my little one and I. I made it to the gym, had a good workout, took Bebe to the library, and came home to do some work for N. About all I can think about is the pizza that is sitting on the table downstairs and how comfortable my bed is going to be. I hope to be in it in time to watch the first new episode of "Paranormal State"!!!! Anyway, today went well for a Monday and I have no complaints. Happy new week, everyone!!!

Tuesday

So, it doesn't look like N is interested in the house, and I can understand. With an almost four year old child and the crime rates being what they are (as in high) here in South Florida, it isn't a great idea to move into a questionable neighborhood. I don't mean any disrespect to the people who live there; it's not that bad, but it's probably not the place for us. Little One wasn't feeling well earlier but she seems to be better now. I did some work for N while she worked on a little workbook she has which I ordered online recently. It has all kinds of magical images in it and she had fun coloring and tracing over the letters and trying to write her own. As she grows she is beginning to understand more and more and I'm slowly introducing the idea of spirituality, albeit in a limited way. She doesn't really understand the concept of God/Goddess at this time. I can't remember how old I was when such things began to enter my mind. I do remember being extremely curious at a very young age, and being very sensitive. Happy Tuesday to all!

House Hunting

First of all, my bad for posting a photo on Saturday that was previously used. As I said, I'm a little pressed for time these days and sometimes I do things like that. Last week I purchased two identical pairs of pj's for my daughter and didn't have a clue until I'd arrived home and took the clothing out of the bag!!!!

On another note, we did some house hunting yesterday, just a little of our own research. We checked out the house above a few days ago, but the day was rainy and dark and the whole neighborhood looked much bleaker that day than it did when we looked again yesterday. This would definitely be a great first home; the only thing I'm not sure about is the price since it's listed in a couple of different places for different prices, the lowest price being with the realtor with whom my husband spoke. The neighborhood is so so; people around this area seem to keep their houses and the surrounding areas clean and everyone who passed by gave us a friendly "hello". Who knows???? We haven't spoken with the realtor about walking through the inside, but I was able to download some pictures online and it appears to be well kept and spacious. My husband and I walked around the property, fantasizing about all the sprucing up we could engage in. We should know soon exactly what the mortgage broker can offer us, then we will have a better idea with regard to what we can afford. In spite of the neighborhood where this house is located being iffy (there is an ugly industrial area nearby) I felt a good energy when I was there. I had a vision of us hanging out on the front porch and hanging up plants.

Putting solid roots down in South Florida is kind of scary for me; one more step in the direction of "I'm not moving back to Mass.". While I understand on an intellectual level that I probably will not be moving back home, my heart still holds out a bit of hope, I suppose. I miss my family so much; it's difficult being away from them. New England is a part of my soul, and there is still a spirit of longing within me for her piney woods and old architecture, for the marshy smell of the beach on the Cape. I have my little family here, though, and with the economy being shaky and my husband's company being here moving isn't a viable option. I'm happy where I am. Still, that spirit of longing has a life of it's own...

I hope that this new week finds all of you well!!!

Saturday

I haven't written in awhile, mainly due to a lack of time and a need to arrange my priorities. With an almost 4 year old and an artistic spirit, it's difficult to "fit it all in" in the space of twelve or so hours. Since I've never been a morning person, I'm going through an adjustment phase of learning how to be more functional in the hours of early sunlight. Also, I'm having to learn how to get into bed earlier, which has never been an easy feat for me. I love being up at night, but it's not practical anymore; my little one gets crazy if kept up too late and after she goes to bed I'm usually exhausted.

Hubby and I are in the early stages of trying to acquire a home. We have been paying rent for a long time, have tired of always wondering when the next move will be necessary, and would like to have a home base that is stable, for the sake of our daughter. I suppose we want the stability as well!!! We visited with a mortgage guy today and while things don't look as good as we'd hoped, they look reasonable good. We might have to come up with more of a down payment if we want to buy the type of home we'd like to purchase. This is both an exciting and scary time!

Find Jennifer Kesse

I saw a show on 48 Hours last night which troubled me. Maybe it's because I'm a Mom, or because I am a woman living in Florida, or because this girl is just so vibrant and beautiful. Probably it's all of those things. Please check out this link and maybe add it to your own site. This woman's parents and family are desperate to discover what happened to her and where she is, and whoever harmed her is still freely roaming the streets. Thanks.

http://jenniferkesse.com/

Small Miracles

Small miracles happen every day, if we're willing to accept that they happen, are open to them, and are willing to acknowledge them. A couple of days ago I ran into a woman who I've met a few times before but never talked with much. We entered into an interesting and wonderful conversation, and before we parted ways she lent me a book which she'd been carrying around in her car. It's a book about empowerment, about the magic of feminine energy. It was just what I needed to read this week. She became a reflection of the Goddess, this woman, and I'm so grateful for that for that. I've been asking to be connected to like souls lately. I've been in deep need of connection with good, honest people, and I've met at least two women who seem to fit this criteria over the past couple of months (although I'm not always the best about calling people back and so have trouble sometimes in nurturing relationships the way I'd like to-commitment issues???). It seems that our Higher Power finds us in those moments when we are open, when we are such great need to spiritual strength and guidance, when we are willing to shift our energies just a little bit and allow some room for letting go. Because I prayed and meditated this morning, because I followed some of the guidance found in some spiritual books I've recently read and am currently reading, I was able to talk on the telephone this morning with someone at a County office and stay calm and friendly. I imagined him not as some mean guy in control, but rather as a regular guy who goes home at night to a wife who loves him, maybe kids who love him, who has a few beers with the guys after work-that sort of thing. I thought of him as a regular person, like me, and as a result I was not defensive on the telephone and was able to have a nice conversation and find a reasonable means toward resolving a problem which yesterday I'd blown up in my mind to monstrous proportions.

And so, today, I breath a bit easier, and pray that this calm and peace will remain within my soul throughout the day...

Bad Attitude

I hate dealing with beaurocratic nonsense. Even more than that I detest dealing with the people who initiate beaurocratic nonsense. It has become increasingly difficult to do business in Miami these days. Barring an angry and obnoxious tirade, that's all I will say; I don't want to plumb the depths of my own rage for fear that ignorant and horrible things will spill forth onto the page. As human beings we do sometimes allow ignorance to get the better of us when our minds are consumed with some sort of problem which has lead us to a resentment.

John William Waterhouse is one of my favorite artists. His women are so sensual, his paintings so full of intensity. This particular painting caught my eye tonight because what I would like to do with a particular citation and a particular jerk associated with N is throw them into a big cauldron and swirl them around together for awhile. Fortunately, I do not believe in bad majic and do believe in the law of return. I also believe in karma. I've seen it in action, in my own life and in the lives of others, and it's a bitch sometimes. I do tire of the dishonesty and backstabbing which seems to be so prolific in South Florida. As well, I feel that protecting oneself is allowed and I encourage others to do so as I try to protect myself and my own family in appropriate ways.

On another note, I had a nice conversation with a woman a couple of days ago, someone who I've met before but never really talked with at great length. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she had a book in her car which had fallen off a shelf a few days earlier. She said that perhaps it was me who needed to read it, and she offered to let me borrow it. As I scanned the cover, I noticed it was decorated with a Goddess figure. I began reading it last night and it is a great book, probably just what I need to be reading at this point in time, when my inner strength is being called upon more than it has in quite some time. I'm at a point along the road where I need to be solid within myself, confident and independent, and definite about who I am and what I believe in. In the past month or so two different women have come into my life who follow the Old Ways to varying degrees. I marvel at how much I'm called back in that direction every time I stray away, and am reminded of what a cherished friend told me recently-that this way is not for everyone, but those who are called are called for a reason. And so, I turn again to spirit to quell my rage, to calm my spirit, and to once again become a rational person. Trust me when I say that this crazy Irish girl from Boston needs all the help she can get!

Wednesday

This picture was taken from my back "yard". Some days I feel truly blessed to live in a subtropical place! When I took the shot I didn't think the sunrise colors would show up so well but I guess digital can do amazing things. When I looked at the picture in my camera, I was happy to find that the mood of the morning was captured accurately.

I have been sleeping horribly every night since N has been away. I'm not sure why; maybe just the idea of him not being home and the anxiety that stirs up? Last night the dining room light went off and on all by itself, while the other lights downstairs stayed on. That spooked me, and when I didn't hear from N after that (he's been calling every night) I became worried. My Step Mom said that probably it was my Dad messing around with us, and I didn't feel any bad energy in the room, but I still felt spooked. I took some pictures in the upstairs hallway/stairway landing, but nothing showed up in the resulting shots and probably I'm just being paranoid. I'm planning a trip to the gym this morning, once I get my little one up and out the door and that should improve my mood, which is leaning toward grumpy today!

St. Francis Orbs

I love reading about paranormal activity and have had many experiences on my own, although I have never captured anything out of the ordinary on film. This picture was taken by a friend of ours at St. Francis Mission, which is a church but also a place where people go to find recovery from addiction. There are quite a few people who have entered this Mission seeking recovery; not all have made it and it would not be hard to believe that some of them could be hanging around in spirit form. Due to the transparency of the orbs, I tend to think they might simply be dust particles. Recently, I read that orbs tend to be more solid, rather than transparent or containing "faces". I don't know too much about this, though; I am still learning. At any rate, it's an interesting picture. I look forward to taking some of my own, maybe on a digital camera. Because I didn't capture this shot, I don't know if it was taken with a flash or what the light conditions in the room were.

Hooray!!!!

I just received the confirmation that N is flying back on Friday; he should be in sometime shortly after noontime (although these flights can take longer due to the need to stop in Customs). I am so happy that he is confirmed to come back, less happy that he has to fly on one of these little planes. I will be very happy when he is safely back on U.S. soil, although I'm not sure how "safe" of a place Miami these days. I say this laughing, but not altogether kiddingly. Last night we hung out with a girl friend of mine and now we're going the library. I've been keeping busy and things have been okay, but there's this little hole.....I do tend to believe that when we marry someone with whom we are deeply and truly in love, our souls join in some way, so that when one is away from the other there exists a feeling of something being missing. This doesn't mean that we can't exist and be happy while we're alone, for we create our own happiness or sadness. It just means that we feel more complete when our beloved is close again.

Shalom.

Sunday Morning

Little One and I had a very uneventful day yesterday, in spite of all my grand plans. Having experienced a fitful night of sleep on Friday night, I could not get up on time yesterday and found us still at home at 3pm, feeling at once completely unmotivated to travel anyplace and guilty for not getting us out. Today I think we will meet up with a girl friend of mine to peruse the local flea market and have some lunch.

Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there!!!! I have gifts and cards for my beloved, but he won't receive them until he returns home; we decided to wait so that he could enjoy them without feeling rushed. Since my own father died when I was twenty years old, I have conflicting feelings about the holiday. Even after all of the years that have passed, I find myself in tears at the greeting card display while searching for a card for my husband, although the sadness has dissipated quite a bit since I've married and had a child of my own. My husband is a fantastic father and a husband beyond my wildest dreams, and it's hard to be deeply grateful and deeply sad at the same time! Besides that, my father still comes to me once in awhile, to let me know he's around and watching out for me. At least once he's literally saved my life.

On a completely different note, I think my mind is slipping. Either I have too many thoughts simultaneously dancing around in my head at any given hour of the day, or I need to start performing some of those memory enhancing exercises!!! I believe the problem to be more the former, but a bit of mind exercise probably wouldn't hurt. This morning while typing at the computer, I noticed my wedding set was not on my finger. Panic!!!! Where are my rings??? Did they slip off somehow without my noticing while I was cleaning the breakfast dishes? A quick search of my little green jewelry box quelled the fear; there were my rings, safely nestled among the others I usually wear, yet I have no recollection of having removed them and placed them there. A few days ago I noticed that my claddaugh ring was missing, then realized I'd never put it on. I swore during my frantic search (the ring was given to me at the age of sixteen by a dear friend and has much emotional value) that I'd placed it on my finger, but obviously it had never found its way there that morning, since it too was located in the aforementioned jewelry box. Since my daughter is three years of age, I can't blame my memory lapses on "mommy brain"; they aren't hormone related. Perhaps, though, I need to become a tiny bit more focused on the tasks at hand and try to avoid thinking about twenty things at one time. This will be hard for my ADD challenged mind to do, but probably necessary for my continued sanity!

Feeling Pretty Calm Today

I really am feeling a sense of peace today (although that could melt away on Thursday, after N leaves-I'm such a wimp!!!). The sky is overcast, with just a small patch of blue peeking through a corner of my window. I like rainy days once in awhile; I think that perpetual sunshine is bad for the soul (not to mention my hair). A good friend lit a candle for me for strenght and it seems to have helped. I actually did not know she'd done it until after I started feeling better. When she advised that she'd done a little ritual to help me get through these minor rough patches in my current life I thought, "Oh, no wonder I suddenly started to feel better!!!" And it really was sudden; I woke up one morning recently feeling a sense of inner peace, with not as much of my separation anxiety screaming it's keening-like song in my head. That said, I am trying to get N a flight booked out of Haiti for when he gets the job finished. The company for whom he's working gave him an open ended ticket and I need the information with regard to that ticket in order to get him booked on a flight for next Friday, which is currently available but might not be in a day or so (the airplanes only have 16 or 18 seats on them, or something like that). In the meantime, I have tons of things to do today, culminating in soccer with Little One and possibly a date with my husband before Haiti Day. The latter activity depends, of course, on the babysitter coming to our rescue on short notice. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Peace to all and have a good Tuesday.

That Time Again

It seems like I was just raving about how happy I was that N had returned home, and now it's almost time for him to leave again. This time around, I'm sad but also grateful that we have this job going on. The economy is very scary. Prices are skyrocketing faster than the dollar amounts in paychecks. Foreclosures are rampant here in Florida; it seems like every few nights the evening news is broadcasting some type of story about people losing their homes. Criminals are becoming bolder, attacking people in parking lots during the daytime hours and robbing homes in broad daylight. Just a couple of days ago, here in Florida, a family had their (very large) boat taken from their driveway, while the daughter slept and the neighbors went about their business. This happened during the day, yet none of the neighbors took notice and the criminals got away easily. A close friend showed my husband a house in Fort Lauderdale yesterday; a nice house that is close to possibly being in our price range. We are going to look at this weekend, maybe. The idea of buying a home is frightening, though. How will finances be next year? Next week? Next month???? Will we get any new jobs that offer substantial money? Will I be able to homeschool my daughter, as I'd like to do, or will I have to find outside work? I'm considering some sort of home job doing something artistic, but the issue of time weighs heavy on me. I never seem to have the extra time to create for any length of time, and if people are struggling to pay their bills they aren't going to pay to buy artwork. Hope, faith, prayer, are important right now.

On a positive note, I'm getting ready for the Summer Solstice. My energy is good today and in spite of being a bit fearful of what the future might bring, I'm in a positive mood.

Ah, Love

My husband recently returned home from a trip to a far away place which he took for business. I was not happy about him leaving, and was even unhappier to actually experience him being away. In the four years of our marriage separation has been a rare event and I've been grateful for that. Normally N's work doesn't neccessitate him leaving town, without us or otherwise, but with the economy as slow as it is taking a job in Haiti seemed like a good move; hopefully it will be completed quickly and we can put this chapter of life behind us. I am thankful that he will only be gone for short intervals and not extended periods of time. I realized last week that I would make a horrible military wife!

When I mentioned being saddened by his absence I was suprised by some of the reactions I received. Some women responded with hoots that they would love to have their husbands leave town for awhile; they would enjoy the time alone. Other people commented on the need for independence, mistakenly thinking that I missed my husband because I somehow could not function without him here. The wonderful thing I realized in N's absence is that I did not miss him because I absolutely needed him here. I missed him for all of the little things that make up our life together: the smiles across the dinner table, the cuddles (etc...) at night, the way his cheeks dimple when he smiles, the deep vibration of his voice when he's holding me, hearing him stomp through the door at night in his workboots after a day of work. There's so much more than this, but I'll stop here as I can hear some of you gagging. Really, though, it's not dependence (or codependence) that made me a little depressed after a couple of days here without my partner. It was a deep sense of connection, a real, true love. A feeling of a huge part of me being missing; a peice of my soul being disconnected.

I'm not looking forward to N's next trip out (the travel arrangements are a bit shaky for my taste-too much uncertainty once he gets there as to how he will be getting home and when). I will be sad when he leaves and will probably count the days until his return. But, it's nice to have the realization of what a HUGE gift I've been given in my husband. Since I believe that G-d has a hand in everything and that most of the adversity we experience is his way of teaching us something that will help us to grow, I believe that this is part of what he needed to show me and to show us. We can go it alone when necessary, but it's a whole lot more fun to face life with our partner by our side, cheering us on.

So Many Lies Being Spread About Israel

Please take a minute to read this:

http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0508/nakba.php3?printer_friendly

Obama

Curious about Barrak Obama's stance on Israel, I began searching the internet for articles regarding this subject. I found different points of view, some pointing to him supporting Israel and American Jewry, and others showing him as an appealing candidate to terrorist groups who would like to see Israel destroyed. As a Jewish American woman, and a Democrat, this disturbs me greatly. I just read this peice http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2008/04/hamas_agrees_with_jews_who_wor.html as well as another article in which the writer seems to feel that Obama is trying to cozy up to Jewish voters in the 11th hour by offering a great deal of lip service to the concerns of Jewish Americans with regard to Israel. It's hard to discern where the truth lies, but it does disturb me that Obama has affiliations with a church whose leader is a racist and possible anti-semite. More research will need to be done before I am convinced that this man should be our next President. As the clock ticks and the picture grows dimmer for Hillary (although it's not over yet) I am forced to consider other options should she be dropped from the card. I am loathe to vote for a Republican, but am even more loathe to vote for someone who sympathizes with Palestinian terrorists and who cares very little about Israel's right to existence (if this is true).

More Car Troubles

Well, went out and did a bunch of errands today, after having a great weekend (during which my car seemed to be running just fine). I came out of the supermarket with my little one, got into the car, turned the key and.....nothing but a very disappointing chuga chuga sound followed by silence. After a few more efforts (which yielded still more chuga chuga sounds) I called N again and he, once again, came to our rescue. This time we brought the car to the mechanic, who promptly diagnosed my little car as having a bad alternator. Oh, and the new battery was dead as a door nail as well, having been dutifully powering my car for me all on its own over the past four days. Thankfully, the battery was warranteed and we didn't get charged for another one. Unfortunately, the rest of the work was quite costly. Fortunately, they were able to fix it tonight and now my car is back home. I'm glad the problem is fixed; it's no fun getting stuck relatively far away from home!!!! It's kind of sad that as I sat in the parking lot of the supermarket with my hood up no one save for a young guy came over to ask me if I needed any help. Plenty of people looked at me curiously, but no one offered their assistance. Sad.

Thursday Hellos

Just a girl and her cat on a Thursday morning, checking in while thinking about life and how the decisions we make effect us and those around us, and the reasons for the fear that sometimes keeps us from having the great life we desire and deserve and are meant to have. As children, we all possess dreams of who we want to be "when we grow up", but as adults so often we get thrust into rolls we never really wanted to have, unsure of how we got there. I'm not speaking for myself in the now-there are lots of things I want to do, but I'm deeply and truly happy about where I am in this moment. If I rewind back to a few years ago, though, I found myself in a law office, gaining valuable experience in the workplace but deeply bored, feeling a bit stuck because quitting would have meant losing the money that was paying for my car, my health insurance, money for rent, and barely enough for living. A wonderful colleague of mine who has since moved to New York City (and I'm so happy for her that she took that leap) would often ask me what I was doing there. We'd be in the mailroom, trying to finish up the day's work so we could bust out of the drudgery for the evening, and she would cock her head to one side, study my face, and say, "You're an artist. Why are you here, working in a law office?" Indeed, the area around my desk at the time was plastered with pictures of rock climbing in Colorado, the city scape of Boston, family members who I missed, and the colors on my computer changed on almost a daily basis because I'd get tired of looking at the same old grey tones. I used to joke that this was a desparate attempt to infuse my daily life with some creativity. By the time I got home I would be so burned out, my energy completely sapped, that I'd have little motivation to do anything aside from go to a meeting, eat a bit of dinner, and collapse on the couch. After fielding telephone calls all day long the sound of my own phone ringing would make me cringe. Anyway, why is it that some of us don't follow our dreams and desires, our true dreams and desires? Why do we think they are so out of reach, only meant for someone else? If everyone allowed themselves to succumb to this belief, we would have no Abraham Joshua Heshels, no Colin Farrels, no Albert Einsteins, no Jacque Cousteaus, no Conrad Ankers. While I'm asking all of these questions, why do I believe this? A few months ago I was at an art show with N in Miami. We walked up and down rows of booths, some displaying paintings, some showing sculptures created from various materials, some boasting antique jewelry, some packed with gorgeous Judaic artwork and religious items. One of my favorite stops was at the booth of an older man who splits his time between New York City and Florida. His work consisted of paintings of New York City, wonderful scenes of daily life in the Big Apple. I talked with him for awhile about his artwork, about New York, and about how lucky he was to have the opportunity to spend his time in two super cool places and stay warm throughout the year. His eyes lit when he spoke of his love for his home city and about his creative passion. I walked away feeling inspired and wondering why I hadn't taken the same leap. I suppose time is always an issue, but this morning I read something in a magazine over breakfast that made me think twice about the "not enough time theory". We need to follow our passions even when we're tired, even when we don't feel like it, even when we don't think we have anything left to give to the effort. We might be surprised at how much fuel we pile onto our creative fire when we honor our muse. Part of the reason I keep a blog is that I love to write. Why have I never pursued a job in writing? Part of the reason is that I went to school for art, not journalism, but maybe I limit myself with this type of rationale. I've written for a local paper and received nothing back but positive commentary. In fact, a few people recently mentioned that they missed my column and wondered when I would be writing it again. My Papa, of Blessed Memory, once told me that I should be a writer, because it was something that came easily to me and that I did well. My Papa was a business owner, who created a prosperous and good life for his family through his business. He was also a highly ethical and generous soul, a person who lived Judaism the way it's supposed to be lived, using his prosperity not only to enjoy his own life, but also to help others around him live a little more prosperously. In short, he was a wise man and someone for whom I have an abundance of respect. I will carry his memory and his faith in me today as I launch myself back into the world, busily doing the jobs I need to complete for N's business (which keeps us fed and living under a roof), as well, hopefully, as a few things that I need to do for my spirit and for my little one's spirit. Have a great Thursday.

Another Lazy Sunday

Although it might not be so lazy, as I realized upon entering my "computer zone" that I actually have a little smattering of work to do today! Yesterday was spent wandering around Boca Raton. Me and family made the drive up there yesterday to look at a house we are thinking about renting. We want to buy something, and this house is also for sale, but the owner will consider renting it for awhile also. Due to the less than desirable school system in the area where we live, as well as a few other factors, N and I are thinking about making a move away from here. The house is located in a nice area, near a good school, a park, and lots of shopping which is nearby but not right in the back yard. We both got a good feel from the neighborhood; it felt very safe to me and there were lots of basketball hoops in driveways, kids toys, etc, which indicates to us that there are many families living there. One of the problems we have been encountering in our current digs is the lack of other "family people" to hang out with. Most of the people we know are still single and living the single life. We have a three year old and would love to meet some other people who have kids, who live their lives within the perameters of having children. It's not that we don't love the friends we have; we do, and will miss them if we leave. But, it felt good up there yesterday, better than I thought it would feel. I think that it's time for a change; we've been feeling that for awhile and this might be the opportunity we need. If we can't buy the house, at least we will be further north, venturing further toward the area where we want to live. Some prayer and mediation will hopefully help us to come to a conclusion. We don't have much time to think about it, because the owner needs an answer so that he can either continue trying to sell the place or take it off the market.

On another note, I miss A's blogging. It's very sad that there are sick, crazy people in the world who keep us from enjoying some of the things we become accustomed to, such as reading the blogs of old friends and blogging ourselves. I hope he will be back soon and I hope psycho-stalker will decide to run along her own merry way and get the professional help she so desperately needs.

Been Away!

My computer was attacked by a virus, so I've had no access. Why do people send such evil rubbish out into cyberspace?? After lugging my computer to Geek Squad and waiting for about 5 days, I'm back in the loop. The worst part of the whole thing was losing all of the work forms I've created over the past 4 years (stupid of me not to have backup, I know). Since it's now 12am and my eyes are blurring as I type (because I've spent the past two hours re-creating forms so I could get some work done), I think I'll go to bed. Missed everyone...