Ah, Love

My husband recently returned home from a trip to a far away place which he took for business. I was not happy about him leaving, and was even unhappier to actually experience him being away. In the four years of our marriage separation has been a rare event and I've been grateful for that. Normally N's work doesn't neccessitate him leaving town, without us or otherwise, but with the economy as slow as it is taking a job in Haiti seemed like a good move; hopefully it will be completed quickly and we can put this chapter of life behind us. I am thankful that he will only be gone for short intervals and not extended periods of time. I realized last week that I would make a horrible military wife!

When I mentioned being saddened by his absence I was suprised by some of the reactions I received. Some women responded with hoots that they would love to have their husbands leave town for awhile; they would enjoy the time alone. Other people commented on the need for independence, mistakenly thinking that I missed my husband because I somehow could not function without him here. The wonderful thing I realized in N's absence is that I did not miss him because I absolutely needed him here. I missed him for all of the little things that make up our life together: the smiles across the dinner table, the cuddles (etc...) at night, the way his cheeks dimple when he smiles, the deep vibration of his voice when he's holding me, hearing him stomp through the door at night in his workboots after a day of work. There's so much more than this, but I'll stop here as I can hear some of you gagging. Really, though, it's not dependence (or codependence) that made me a little depressed after a couple of days here without my partner. It was a deep sense of connection, a real, true love. A feeling of a huge part of me being missing; a peice of my soul being disconnected.

I'm not looking forward to N's next trip out (the travel arrangements are a bit shaky for my taste-too much uncertainty once he gets there as to how he will be getting home and when). I will be sad when he leaves and will probably count the days until his return. But, it's nice to have the realization of what a HUGE gift I've been given in my husband. Since I believe that G-d has a hand in everything and that most of the adversity we experience is his way of teaching us something that will help us to grow, I believe that this is part of what he needed to show me and to show us. We can go it alone when necessary, but it's a whole lot more fun to face life with our partner by our side, cheering us on.