For a long time (at least over the past few years) I think I've been trying to choose the easier path, the one I think will be acceptable to those around me, to the general population, even, in some cases, to my family. But what if that path begins to feel a bit constrictive? What if it is missing key elements of who you are, if it starts to overshadow everything you've ever known about the truths of your soul? I know that I've talked ALOT about religion in this blog. The truth is that I find all religions interesting because they speak volumes about the people who follow them and I think they help us to understand the inner workings of the societies which make up our planet. I've spent the last year or so really digging Judaism, really getting into the spiritual end of it, bypassing the stuff I didn't completely agree with and just generally enjoying the values behind it and the holidays. The rub is that while I was practicing Judaism (and I will admit that I was practicing in a rather peripheral way...) I felt an empty space. I would hear people talking about how they wanted to go to Israel like it was the ultimate travel destination of the soul and I would think, "Hmmm. That's how I feel about Ireland." To me Ireland has always been my "mother land", my ultimate destination, the place where I feel most connected as far as my roots are concerned. Ireland is the place where most of my ancestors walked and lived; it's a place I love deeply even though I've yet to travel to her shores. Because of this desire I've always felt to meld my spirituality to my Irishness, I tried about a year ago to follow Catholicism with my husband. I went to church with him and tried to listen to the priests talk about this and that, but I didn't feel any deep stirring within myself. If anything, I just felt disconnected from God. Feeling like a hypocrite because the only peace I could find in the church was by staring at the statue of Mary and imaging her as the embodiment of the Pagan Goddess, I stopped attending church. My belief system was just too far from what they were telling me was fact. So, lately I've been delving into the depths of Paganism again, reading about the God/Goddess (I've always viewed God as both male and female, and, actually, Judaism supports this belief), getting back in touch with the part of me within that has always been in tune with the worlds of animal and spirit around me, letting go of the guilt for believing that it's okay to commune with my spirit guides. I've been getting into meditation and celebrating the spring (Imbolc) and summer (Litha) seasons. I feel really good, very at peace, probably more so than I have in a long time. I joined an online group of Pagan mommies from whom I'm learning all kinds of cool stuff and getting support. I feel like, in this community, I will be accepted for my belief that tattoos are a spiritual part of life (although certainly not everyone who gets tattoos does it because they feel it enriches them spiritually, and that's completely okay!), that it's okay to go with my inner belief that being gay or lesbian is just natural for some (Judao-Christian dogma does not allow for this and it has always gone against the grain of what I feel in my heart to be right), that life is a balance of light and dark, with neither being all good or all bad. This might seem like a complete "about face" along the path of my faith, but really this is what I've believed all along. I don't know what about any religion is based on pure, historical fact. I know what feels good and right and natural and right now this is it. This is a path I embarked on many years ago, but never really delved into wholly. I don't think I was capable of being as in touch with spirit then as I am now; many things have changed and I've grown ALOT since those far away days!!!! There is a level of devotion and seriousness that needs to be there, a level of being willing to give of one's self that I hadn't reached back in the late 80's, but today I feel like a completely different person in that respect, and in many other respects as well. Anyway, this is beginning to turn from a blog entry into a ramble, so I will leave you. Have a wonderful!!!!
Monday, July 02, 2007
Mainstream Be Damned...
For a long time (at least over the past few years) I think I've been trying to choose the easier path, the one I think will be acceptable to those around me, to the general population, even, in some cases, to my family. But what if that path begins to feel a bit constrictive? What if it is missing key elements of who you are, if it starts to overshadow everything you've ever known about the truths of your soul? I know that I've talked ALOT about religion in this blog. The truth is that I find all religions interesting because they speak volumes about the people who follow them and I think they help us to understand the inner workings of the societies which make up our planet. I've spent the last year or so really digging Judaism, really getting into the spiritual end of it, bypassing the stuff I didn't completely agree with and just generally enjoying the values behind it and the holidays. The rub is that while I was practicing Judaism (and I will admit that I was practicing in a rather peripheral way...) I felt an empty space. I would hear people talking about how they wanted to go to Israel like it was the ultimate travel destination of the soul and I would think, "Hmmm. That's how I feel about Ireland." To me Ireland has always been my "mother land", my ultimate destination, the place where I feel most connected as far as my roots are concerned. Ireland is the place where most of my ancestors walked and lived; it's a place I love deeply even though I've yet to travel to her shores. Because of this desire I've always felt to meld my spirituality to my Irishness, I tried about a year ago to follow Catholicism with my husband. I went to church with him and tried to listen to the priests talk about this and that, but I didn't feel any deep stirring within myself. If anything, I just felt disconnected from God. Feeling like a hypocrite because the only peace I could find in the church was by staring at the statue of Mary and imaging her as the embodiment of the Pagan Goddess, I stopped attending church. My belief system was just too far from what they were telling me was fact. So, lately I've been delving into the depths of Paganism again, reading about the God/Goddess (I've always viewed God as both male and female, and, actually, Judaism supports this belief), getting back in touch with the part of me within that has always been in tune with the worlds of animal and spirit around me, letting go of the guilt for believing that it's okay to commune with my spirit guides. I've been getting into meditation and celebrating the spring (Imbolc) and summer (Litha) seasons. I feel really good, very at peace, probably more so than I have in a long time. I joined an online group of Pagan mommies from whom I'm learning all kinds of cool stuff and getting support. I feel like, in this community, I will be accepted for my belief that tattoos are a spiritual part of life (although certainly not everyone who gets tattoos does it because they feel it enriches them spiritually, and that's completely okay!), that it's okay to go with my inner belief that being gay or lesbian is just natural for some (Judao-Christian dogma does not allow for this and it has always gone against the grain of what I feel in my heart to be right), that life is a balance of light and dark, with neither being all good or all bad. This might seem like a complete "about face" along the path of my faith, but really this is what I've believed all along. I don't know what about any religion is based on pure, historical fact. I know what feels good and right and natural and right now this is it. This is a path I embarked on many years ago, but never really delved into wholly. I don't think I was capable of being as in touch with spirit then as I am now; many things have changed and I've grown ALOT since those far away days!!!! There is a level of devotion and seriousness that needs to be there, a level of being willing to give of one's self that I hadn't reached back in the late 80's, but today I feel like a completely different person in that respect, and in many other respects as well. Anyway, this is beginning to turn from a blog entry into a ramble, so I will leave you. Have a wonderful!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Follow your heart dear one. you've always been a seeker and never fully found a path you felt at home on. May you find one now.
Post a Comment