Mommyhood

One thing I've come to realize about being a parent is that it drives us to heights we never thought possible. Really. In spite of the stress, the hyper-scheduling (my own Mom's term), the constant demands on our own time, the always having to put your own needs secondary to the needs of your child (which doesn't mean that you own needs can never be met, just that they sometimes will not be met according to your desired time schedule), the incessant tiredness (going to the gym helps a lot with this issue), being a mother has helped me to realize that I can achieve goals, spiritual and physical that I never thought possible. Part of the reason for this is that, as a parent, I want to set a good example of the best path to take toward happiness and well being. It's not enough for me to tell my child what I think she should do (what is ethically correct, etc.); I need to live my words. Children see straight through plain talk; in order for them to believe us enough to possibly try out our recommendations, they need to see us putting our words into action in our own lives.

I've realized lately that the only way for me to achieve nearly all of my goals on any given day, I've got to attack the day with the ferocity of a mother lion. I can't spend much, or any time, sitting on the sidelines reading a magazine (although a well planned day might yield downtime around nightfall), surfing the web (I have to do this early in the morning or late at night), or engaging in any other of the seemingly thousands of activities which try to draw my attention away from my daily goals. I have a very short attention span and need to be kept busy almost all of the time. Also, in spite of the fact that many of my friends seem to think that I'm a laid back person, deep within me there is a hyperactive maniac whose mind must be occupied at all times lest I fall into the depths of deep depression. Thankfully, these days my mind is nearly always busy, along with my hands (who also enjoy near constant activity). This character trait can be a double edged sword; I'm easily distracted but have found that I can gently guide my thoughts back to the needs at hand. In fact, if I sometimes go against the unproductive routines in my life, the comfortable but non-functional habits, I find that I am ultimately much happier because my daughter and my husband are happier, my home is running along a much smoother flow, I feel more spiritually fulfilled (it's sometimes hard to make myself go to synagogue on Friday night, but after I go I feel great and wonder why I made such a fuss about leaving the house), and I feel like I'm a more productive parent. Also, our business runs more smoothly, because I am able to find the time to do all of those little things for the company that DH does not have the time to tend to (payroll, billing, etc.).

At some point, I hope to incorporate my artistic pursuits into the mix of organized chaos. I'm sure that this will happen because, until this week, I never thought it possible to reach the point I'm at now, with our home reasonably clean and it's inhabitants fairly content. Right now, though, I have breakfast to make. Thank G-d this life flows one day at a time.