Small Miracles

Small miracles happen every day, if we're willing to accept that they happen, are open to them, and are willing to acknowledge them. A couple of days ago I ran into a woman who I've met a few times before but never talked with much. We entered into an interesting and wonderful conversation, and before we parted ways she lent me a book which she'd been carrying around in her car. It's a book about empowerment, about the magic of feminine energy. It was just what I needed to read this week. She became a reflection of the Goddess, this woman, and I'm so grateful for that for that. I've been asking to be connected to like souls lately. I've been in deep need of connection with good, honest people, and I've met at least two women who seem to fit this criteria over the past couple of months (although I'm not always the best about calling people back and so have trouble sometimes in nurturing relationships the way I'd like to-commitment issues???). It seems that our Higher Power finds us in those moments when we are open, when we are such great need to spiritual strength and guidance, when we are willing to shift our energies just a little bit and allow some room for letting go. Because I prayed and meditated this morning, because I followed some of the guidance found in some spiritual books I've recently read and am currently reading, I was able to talk on the telephone this morning with someone at a County office and stay calm and friendly. I imagined him not as some mean guy in control, but rather as a regular guy who goes home at night to a wife who loves him, maybe kids who love him, who has a few beers with the guys after work-that sort of thing. I thought of him as a regular person, like me, and as a result I was not defensive on the telephone and was able to have a nice conversation and find a reasonable means toward resolving a problem which yesterday I'd blown up in my mind to monstrous proportions.

And so, today, I breath a bit easier, and pray that this calm and peace will remain within my soul throughout the day...

Bad Attitude

I hate dealing with beaurocratic nonsense. Even more than that I detest dealing with the people who initiate beaurocratic nonsense. It has become increasingly difficult to do business in Miami these days. Barring an angry and obnoxious tirade, that's all I will say; I don't want to plumb the depths of my own rage for fear that ignorant and horrible things will spill forth onto the page. As human beings we do sometimes allow ignorance to get the better of us when our minds are consumed with some sort of problem which has lead us to a resentment.

John William Waterhouse is one of my favorite artists. His women are so sensual, his paintings so full of intensity. This particular painting caught my eye tonight because what I would like to do with a particular citation and a particular jerk associated with N is throw them into a big cauldron and swirl them around together for awhile. Fortunately, I do not believe in bad majic and do believe in the law of return. I also believe in karma. I've seen it in action, in my own life and in the lives of others, and it's a bitch sometimes. I do tire of the dishonesty and backstabbing which seems to be so prolific in South Florida. As well, I feel that protecting oneself is allowed and I encourage others to do so as I try to protect myself and my own family in appropriate ways.

On another note, I had a nice conversation with a woman a couple of days ago, someone who I've met before but never really talked with at great length. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she had a book in her car which had fallen off a shelf a few days earlier. She said that perhaps it was me who needed to read it, and she offered to let me borrow it. As I scanned the cover, I noticed it was decorated with a Goddess figure. I began reading it last night and it is a great book, probably just what I need to be reading at this point in time, when my inner strength is being called upon more than it has in quite some time. I'm at a point along the road where I need to be solid within myself, confident and independent, and definite about who I am and what I believe in. In the past month or so two different women have come into my life who follow the Old Ways to varying degrees. I marvel at how much I'm called back in that direction every time I stray away, and am reminded of what a cherished friend told me recently-that this way is not for everyone, but those who are called are called for a reason. And so, I turn again to spirit to quell my rage, to calm my spirit, and to once again become a rational person. Trust me when I say that this crazy Irish girl from Boston needs all the help she can get!

Wednesday

This picture was taken from my back "yard". Some days I feel truly blessed to live in a subtropical place! When I took the shot I didn't think the sunrise colors would show up so well but I guess digital can do amazing things. When I looked at the picture in my camera, I was happy to find that the mood of the morning was captured accurately.

I have been sleeping horribly every night since N has been away. I'm not sure why; maybe just the idea of him not being home and the anxiety that stirs up? Last night the dining room light went off and on all by itself, while the other lights downstairs stayed on. That spooked me, and when I didn't hear from N after that (he's been calling every night) I became worried. My Step Mom said that probably it was my Dad messing around with us, and I didn't feel any bad energy in the room, but I still felt spooked. I took some pictures in the upstairs hallway/stairway landing, but nothing showed up in the resulting shots and probably I'm just being paranoid. I'm planning a trip to the gym this morning, once I get my little one up and out the door and that should improve my mood, which is leaning toward grumpy today!

St. Francis Orbs

I love reading about paranormal activity and have had many experiences on my own, although I have never captured anything out of the ordinary on film. This picture was taken by a friend of ours at St. Francis Mission, which is a church but also a place where people go to find recovery from addiction. There are quite a few people who have entered this Mission seeking recovery; not all have made it and it would not be hard to believe that some of them could be hanging around in spirit form. Due to the transparency of the orbs, I tend to think they might simply be dust particles. Recently, I read that orbs tend to be more solid, rather than transparent or containing "faces". I don't know too much about this, though; I am still learning. At any rate, it's an interesting picture. I look forward to taking some of my own, maybe on a digital camera. Because I didn't capture this shot, I don't know if it was taken with a flash or what the light conditions in the room were.

Hooray!!!!

I just received the confirmation that N is flying back on Friday; he should be in sometime shortly after noontime (although these flights can take longer due to the need to stop in Customs). I am so happy that he is confirmed to come back, less happy that he has to fly on one of these little planes. I will be very happy when he is safely back on U.S. soil, although I'm not sure how "safe" of a place Miami these days. I say this laughing, but not altogether kiddingly. Last night we hung out with a girl friend of mine and now we're going the library. I've been keeping busy and things have been okay, but there's this little hole.....I do tend to believe that when we marry someone with whom we are deeply and truly in love, our souls join in some way, so that when one is away from the other there exists a feeling of something being missing. This doesn't mean that we can't exist and be happy while we're alone, for we create our own happiness or sadness. It just means that we feel more complete when our beloved is close again.

Shalom.

Sunday Morning

Little One and I had a very uneventful day yesterday, in spite of all my grand plans. Having experienced a fitful night of sleep on Friday night, I could not get up on time yesterday and found us still at home at 3pm, feeling at once completely unmotivated to travel anyplace and guilty for not getting us out. Today I think we will meet up with a girl friend of mine to peruse the local flea market and have some lunch.

Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there!!!! I have gifts and cards for my beloved, but he won't receive them until he returns home; we decided to wait so that he could enjoy them without feeling rushed. Since my own father died when I was twenty years old, I have conflicting feelings about the holiday. Even after all of the years that have passed, I find myself in tears at the greeting card display while searching for a card for my husband, although the sadness has dissipated quite a bit since I've married and had a child of my own. My husband is a fantastic father and a husband beyond my wildest dreams, and it's hard to be deeply grateful and deeply sad at the same time! Besides that, my father still comes to me once in awhile, to let me know he's around and watching out for me. At least once he's literally saved my life.

On a completely different note, I think my mind is slipping. Either I have too many thoughts simultaneously dancing around in my head at any given hour of the day, or I need to start performing some of those memory enhancing exercises!!! I believe the problem to be more the former, but a bit of mind exercise probably wouldn't hurt. This morning while typing at the computer, I noticed my wedding set was not on my finger. Panic!!!! Where are my rings??? Did they slip off somehow without my noticing while I was cleaning the breakfast dishes? A quick search of my little green jewelry box quelled the fear; there were my rings, safely nestled among the others I usually wear, yet I have no recollection of having removed them and placed them there. A few days ago I noticed that my claddaugh ring was missing, then realized I'd never put it on. I swore during my frantic search (the ring was given to me at the age of sixteen by a dear friend and has much emotional value) that I'd placed it on my finger, but obviously it had never found its way there that morning, since it too was located in the aforementioned jewelry box. Since my daughter is three years of age, I can't blame my memory lapses on "mommy brain"; they aren't hormone related. Perhaps, though, I need to become a tiny bit more focused on the tasks at hand and try to avoid thinking about twenty things at one time. This will be hard for my ADD challenged mind to do, but probably necessary for my continued sanity!

Feeling Pretty Calm Today

I really am feeling a sense of peace today (although that could melt away on Thursday, after N leaves-I'm such a wimp!!!). The sky is overcast, with just a small patch of blue peeking through a corner of my window. I like rainy days once in awhile; I think that perpetual sunshine is bad for the soul (not to mention my hair). A good friend lit a candle for me for strenght and it seems to have helped. I actually did not know she'd done it until after I started feeling better. When she advised that she'd done a little ritual to help me get through these minor rough patches in my current life I thought, "Oh, no wonder I suddenly started to feel better!!!" And it really was sudden; I woke up one morning recently feeling a sense of inner peace, with not as much of my separation anxiety screaming it's keening-like song in my head. That said, I am trying to get N a flight booked out of Haiti for when he gets the job finished. The company for whom he's working gave him an open ended ticket and I need the information with regard to that ticket in order to get him booked on a flight for next Friday, which is currently available but might not be in a day or so (the airplanes only have 16 or 18 seats on them, or something like that). In the meantime, I have tons of things to do today, culminating in soccer with Little One and possibly a date with my husband before Haiti Day. The latter activity depends, of course, on the babysitter coming to our rescue on short notice. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Peace to all and have a good Tuesday.

That Time Again

It seems like I was just raving about how happy I was that N had returned home, and now it's almost time for him to leave again. This time around, I'm sad but also grateful that we have this job going on. The economy is very scary. Prices are skyrocketing faster than the dollar amounts in paychecks. Foreclosures are rampant here in Florida; it seems like every few nights the evening news is broadcasting some type of story about people losing their homes. Criminals are becoming bolder, attacking people in parking lots during the daytime hours and robbing homes in broad daylight. Just a couple of days ago, here in Florida, a family had their (very large) boat taken from their driveway, while the daughter slept and the neighbors went about their business. This happened during the day, yet none of the neighbors took notice and the criminals got away easily. A close friend showed my husband a house in Fort Lauderdale yesterday; a nice house that is close to possibly being in our price range. We are going to look at this weekend, maybe. The idea of buying a home is frightening, though. How will finances be next year? Next week? Next month???? Will we get any new jobs that offer substantial money? Will I be able to homeschool my daughter, as I'd like to do, or will I have to find outside work? I'm considering some sort of home job doing something artistic, but the issue of time weighs heavy on me. I never seem to have the extra time to create for any length of time, and if people are struggling to pay their bills they aren't going to pay to buy artwork. Hope, faith, prayer, are important right now.

On a positive note, I'm getting ready for the Summer Solstice. My energy is good today and in spite of being a bit fearful of what the future might bring, I'm in a positive mood.