Sunday Fun

Today was great. We went to a party at a friend's house and had a chance to spend some time with a couple we've known for a long time who moved up to North Florida about a year ago. So far, they love it up there. They are living in a rural area and enjoy the feel of the place; people are friendly, everything is very family oriented, and the pace of life is much slower than it is here in South Florida. One of the biggest misconceptions I hear from people when I go back home to visit is that the pace of life here is slower. Definitely that is not the case here in South Florida. While things here may be a bit more casual, life is as hectic here as it was in Boston. We just don't have to deal with tunneling our cars out of snow banks during the winter months (a benefit for sure!!!). J and R want us to visit them up north and I'm looking forward to it. For them, this move was a chance to re-invent themselves a bit and be apart from the whole "former partner of" bit. I'd like to do the same-just get away from all the old stuff, old relationships (didn't you used to go out with John???). Time will tell where we will end up. I'm not sure if North Florida would be a happy place for us, but it sure sounds great!

Saturday Night

We have a baby sitter tonight so DH and I are going to ride the motorcycle to Fort Lauderdale for the Easy Rider Block Party. As usual, I'm ecstatic to be getting out of the house but reluctant to leave my daughter with anyone. It's not the sitter, it's just my own insecurity about leaving the most important little person in my life with someone else. By the end of the night I'll be glad to come back home. Nothing exciting about today; we sat around for most of it after sleeping late. After being sick I think we all needed the rest; recovery is dependent upon getting enough sleep but I hate sleeping! I think about all of the things I could be doing if I didn't have to sleep but my energy gives out and at last I relent. Then I can't get up in the morning because I've stayed up too late. DH spray painted the fence we have around our garden green, in the hopes that the other people here will stop complaining that we've put up a fence without first consulting with the "Association". Ah, the dreaded Condo Commandos. DH and I have agreed wholeheartedly that we never want to purchase a condo. I personally would probably smack someone during the first association meeting I was forced to attend. I can't stand people who can't keep their long, twisted noses out of business of other people. To me condo associations are just groups of people who are bent on ruining the happiness of other people. Well, at least some of the people involved in these associations are of this type of person- I'm convinced of that after living here. Today we noticed that "No fishing" signs have been posted around the pond (which everyone here likes to call a lake, even though it's not). Because there are fish within the pond, some of the young neighborhood kids have been fishing occasionally out back. I guess some of the residents living in the units abutting the pond didn't like looking out their back doors and seeing kids fishing out there, so they squashed the fishing. How sad. It's not like there was a whole lot of fishing going on; this was an occasional pasttime of some of the kids. Now they'll just get bored and start trying to figure out what else they can do and people will complain that they are skate boarding, or hanging out too much around the tot playground, or sitting on the fence. I LONG for a house in the country, away from here. Anyway, that's all for now. I need to get ready to get out of here for a few hours!

Quiet Monday

No real action here today. The only thing I'm baffled by is that we all seem to be sick again. WTF???!!! I am now firmly convinced that we live in a yucky area and that the only solution to being sick all the time is leaving. DH and I discussed that maybe we have some sort of mold problem in the a/c vents. Mold is a common occurrence down here due to the hot, muggy weather; if a homeowner/apartment renter doesn't keep the air at around seventy six degrees max at all times, the air inside becomes too welcoming for mold and it can begin to grow in places like cabinets as well as areas unseen, such as in air ducts. I've heard lots of people complaining that they've been sick an unusual amount this year, though, and my relatives up north are not experiencing the same problem. This tells me that something is going on with the area we live in. I wish we could just get the hell out of here. I want to be back with my family again. (She lets out a big sigh and signs off.)

Fricky on Friday

Okay, so there's no such word as "fricky" and the above pictures have nothing to do with anything that happened today, but "fricky" sounds better with the word Friday than "icky" which is how I feel, and the pictures makes me happy when I look at them, which makes me feel less icky. Taking a deep breath now.... Anyway, that's my little family, a few months back.

As far as today, I felt okay when I woke up but feel nauseas now, and felt likewise for the past three days. I swear that on Tuesday morning I woke up, ate breakfast, and then threw up so hard that I actually popped a blood vessel underneath my eye, just above my cheekbone, and now I have a wicked looking black eye. Prior to this happening I was unaware that a black eye could be obtained this way, and I'm surprised that in all of my former years of drinking this never occurred. Of course, I went to a meeting last night and everyone there asked me how I got the black eye (actually, today it's kind of purplish red and green). I tried to back out from the embarrassing admission of how it happened, to no avail. Everyone was relentless and one guy actually asked me if my husband had done it, which, if you know my husband, is a completely ridiculous question. My husband is one of the kindest, least violent people I know. Now, after telling several people that I heaved so hard I gave myself a shiner, it's not so embarrassing to write it here. Actually, it sounds a bit humerous.

I don't know why I feel yucky; N feels yucky too but I don't know if we have the same yuckiness. It crossed my mind that I could be pregnant, but when N told me he's feeling sick also I began to doubt (with some disappointment, actually) that I was with child. Only time will tell on that one. I've actually been wanting another child as of late, although this would probably be the worst possible time from a financial aspect. N isn't really into the idea and I pretty much have felt that we'd stop at one, but there is always that small possibility that another could "come along". If it's a boy, his name will be William (Will for short) after my uncle who died when I was in college. Although he eventually committed suicide, he was a brilliant man in many respects and I admired him greatly. We all have our failings and depression is prevalent on my Mother's side of the family. I think he would laugh at my using the word "brilliant" to describe him; it sounds so dramatic. He was, though. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself over what is probably a stomach virus, though, eh?

Well, happy Friday all.

More Inspiration

I feel a bit like, over the past two days, I've been picking up the peices of my somewhat shattered faith. I've talked a lot about spirituality in this blog, and a lot about my attempts to find a home within a spiritual path. Recently, I'd read a couple of books (by the same author) which really cast doubts in my mind about the path I'd been on. Her claims about archeological studies disproving many of the Biblical stories, including the Exodus and the existence of Moses, disturbed the side of me that looks to science for at least some of the answers to why we're here and what life is all about. I began doubting my belief system, and I starting telling myself that maybe it wasn't the right path for me anyway, that maybe I needed a faith that was more accepting of my tattoos, less restrictive, etc. So, I resumed walking a path I'd followed while I was in college, and it did bring me a great deal of joy. Within this path I found a renewed sense of wonder at the magical side of life, a freedom of movement. The problem was that I began to really miss the religion of Judaism that I'd been following with a very happy heart for the past four years. I missed the structure of it, the guidelines that explained to me how to handle certain situations wherein I had no clue how to behave, that special moment when the Sabbath candles are kindled in our home on Friday night, the prayers which allow me moments during the day to connect with God and create holy moments out of seemingly mundane activities, the deep connection with God that I felt when I said these prayers. I think that going through a crisis of sorts has helped me to understand who I really am in my soul.

I experienced something similar about two years ago. I'd been feeling lonely with Judaism; my husband is Catholic and when I'd go to synagogue I'd look at families there together and wish that my own family could attend services together as well. Sometimes my husband accompanies me but it's not his faith; the service doesn't tend to touch him the way it touches me- it's not "his thing". My daughter is Jewish but is too young to know what's going on during the service. After much agonizing, I decided that maybe our whole family should be Catholic, and I began attending services with him at church. It didn't work. I would go to church and sometimes I got a little something out of the services (certainly every spiritual path has some great messages) but mostly I felt uncomfortable and a bit hypocritical. I would go and focus on the statues of Mary, where at least I could find some solace in looking at her as the feminine form of God. Trying to get to the heart of the matter with regard to the emotions I was experiencing, I searched online and found the website for Jews for Judaism (a very informative site). I did a bit of research with regard to issues of faith, to the Jewish standpoint on who Jesus was. I read about why as Jews we believe as we do, and I agreed with what I read. All of it made sense to me. At last, I knew what I wasn't. I was definitely not going to be able to give up being Jewish to be Catholic (and I don't mean to offend anyone here, but there really is no such thing as a Jewish Christian; you are Jewish or you're Christian. You can't be both. Read the explanation for this at Jews for Judaism.).

Anyway, last Thursday I was supposed to meet up with a Pagan Mommy group at a local park. We went to the park, but I didn't find anyone there from the group; I think they'd already left due to the intense heat outside that day. Undaunted, I stayed there with Bebe and let her run around under the water sprinkler. Afterward, we went to lunch at a local subshop and ate lunch. After munching on a sandwich and chicken nuggets, I began to gather our belongings to leave the restaurant. As I looked up from the tray holding our spent sandwich wrapper and nugget box, I noticed the Rabbi from my temple standing at the counter ordering his own lunch. I chuckled to myself, as when I'd been standing in his place earlier I'd wondered if Miami Subs served food that would be considered Kosher (I have no idea why that question popped up in my mind; maybe as a precursor to what God had planned next?). I talked with him for a bit about the local Jewish school and about his views on homeschooling, etc. I noticed he was reading a book about Jewish spirituality and something about that began to re-kindle a spark within me that I think was wanting very much to be set afire. I left with a feeling of God having intervened in my life; I've never seen the Rabbi there before, and had I not stayed at the park for as long as I had I would not have met him at the sub shop. Had I met up with the group, I probably would have left the park earlier and missed the Rabbi completely.

On Friday night I lit the Sabbath candles with my daughter and said the blessings over them. It was one of the most meaningful, special, spirit-filled moments I've experienced within Juduaism (although holding the Torah scrolls at almost 9 months of pregnancy after doing a mikveh in the ocean as part of my conversion wasn't such a shabby moment either-my father's family is Jewish and my Mom's Catholic, so I had to convert to be recognized as Jewish, despite that I always felt that I was anyway. ). I've experienced many moments of understanding, hope, realization, and awe along my path of Judaism, but something about sharing with my daughter something that my own parents never shared with me (I was brought up with no religion at all-just a belief in some sort of God) was hugely special. I feel this week as though I've come home. I've returned to reading my prayers in the morning and at night. I've begun singing the Shema to my daughter when it's bedtime. Coincidentally, since we've resumed this ritual she's stopped waking in the middle of night with bad dreams, so maybe she'd gotten used to this and was disturbed on some unconscious level when I stopped it. When I tried Catholicism on for size two years ago and realized that it wasn't the religion for me, I returned to Judaism with a stronger faith and a greater level of excitement than ever. I hope that will be the case this time as well, and indeed I feel it will be. Perhaps sometimes we need to check out the sights on a different pathway to realize that the sights along the path we'd been walking previously are just as beautiful but more relevant to who we are within the deepest recesses of our soul. I read today that within Jewish mysticism there exists a story about how Jewish converts are really old souls returning to their true path of Judaism. I'd like to think that's true.

What I Love About Florida

Since I've spent lots of time kvetching about South Florida, I thought it best for my own peice of mind to find things about it I like/love and begin focusing on those things. Fed up with spending the weekends doing nothing or close to it, I got up early this morning, got myself and our daughter up and ready to go out the door, and went online searching for something to do. I came up with Vizcaya- for the next couple of months Sundays will be free, and you can't beat free. Into the car and off to Miami DH, Bebe and I went. Vizcaya is located in Coconut Grove; to get to it you have to drive down streets lush with Palm trees and tropical vegetation. Million dollar homes line the roadway, gorgeous mansions of various styles-Spanish mission (one of my personal favorites), Key West, etc. , painted white, pink, terra cotta, light blue, and occasionally light green. The sun beamed down for the first portion of our trip, washing the whole scene in its brilliant light. We took the tour inside the mansion (which is really more like a palace) and wandered briefly outside before the rains rolled in. The showers were soft but the lightning was feirce, and lightning is nothing to mess around with in these parts. If you want to check out this beautiful place for yourself without booking a ticket to Miami, here it is: http://www.vizcayamuseum.org/. There are lots of places to eat in the Grove, although one should take care when driving through the area because a wrong turn can land you in a very bad neighborhood VERY quickly.

On another note, DH and I went to see Sicko on Saturday night and I highly recommend it. There are some who like Michael Moore and some who do not; I am one who likes him quite a bit. The movie is a bit upsetting, but since I've watched it I've seen evidence that at least some of what he said is completely true ( I mean, how can it be legal for pharmaceutical companies to lobby politicians? Doesn't that bias the politicians just a wee bit in their favor when it comes time for laws to be passed which could benefit said companies and cost us all more money than we really should be paying to buy their drugs????) A great movie which should be watched with an open mind for full effect.

Sniffles Again

Not much going on here today. My daughter woke this morning covered (or at least so it seemed) in yucky boogers. Another cold has invaded our peaceful home, despite my best efforts at keeping the place clean, washing our hands before eating, spraying disinfectant on the a/c filter, etc. Sigh. She ate crackers, some Jell-O and a grilled cheese sandwich all day, plus drank water mixed with juice, which is more than I thought she'd take in, so at least she's taking in a few nutrients and fluids. Hopefully this will go away quickly. It seems like every time I have Bebe around other kids she comes down with something, but that's the nature of childhood, I suppose!!!

Happy HNT

I'm exhausted after spending about two hours at a very hot park with my daughter and then spending the rest of the day running errands. It was hot as a Cajun kitchen all day long and humid as well. I'd intended to meet a local homeschooling Mommy group at the park, but either they left before we arrived or they canceled the meet up. Either way, my daughter still had fun running under the sprinkler and playing with the other kids and I managed to eke out some intelligent conversation with a couple of other adults. After playtime we stopped at Miami Subs for lunch and who did I run into but the Rabbi from the temple I was frequenting for a time. I conversed with him for a bit about the school they have at the temple and I asked him what he thought about homeschooling and about the local Jewish school. I left the restaurant with a feeling of "maybe that was meant to be today-maybe I wasn't supposed to meet those girls and maybe I was meant to run into the Rabbi". Had I met the other Moms I might have left the park earlier and not been at the sub place, or I might have had lunch someplace else. The Rabbi was reading a book on Jewish spirituality, and I felt a twinge of envy that some people just "believe" with no problems attached. My faith has been so badly shaken in my previous path; I've been reading books that talk about archeological discoveries, etc. , which seem to disprove many of the Biblical events that both Judaism and Christianity are based on. In addition to this, there are so many mythologies in Pagan religions, Hinduism, etc. which sort of paved the way for the later stories. For example, the birth, death rebirth of a God shtick wasn't a new thing when Jesus hit the scene. This occurs in Hinduism and also in the Egyptian religion, with Osiris. Should it matter whether these things are absolute truths? Are there really ANY absolute truths? There probably are not. I feel very comfortable in a Celtic, earth based spiritual path, but I miss Judaism. Tisha B'Av came and went, and I felt sad for not honoring it with a period of fasting like I did last year. Last year I also fasted in recognition of the pain I felt at a school in Iraq being bombed and many innocent young children being killed. It was an inner protest at the violence taking place in the world today. In Judaism, Tisha B'Av is a day of mourning the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem; as well, other things happened in Jewish history on this date which caused great sorrow for the Jewish people : 1. The sin of the spies caused Hashem to decree that the Children of Israel who left Egypt would not be permitted to enter the land of Israel; 2. The first Temple was destroyed; 3. The second Temple was destroyed; 4. Betar, the last fortress to hold out against the Romans during the Bar Kochba revolt in the year 135, fell, sealing the fate of the Jewish people. 5. One year after the fall of Betar, the Temple area was plowed. 6. In 1492, King Ferdinand of Spain issued the expulsion decree, setting Tisha B'Av as the final date by which not a single Jew would be allowed to walk on Spanish soil. 7. World War I – which began the downward slide to the Holocaust – began on Tisha B’av. (see

http://www.ou.org/yerushalayim/tishabav/)

Anyway, I have to go make dinner. This not quite Catholic born, not quite Jewish born, Jewish convert, Celtic Witch doesn't have any more time for speculation this evening. Things will just have to be what they are for the next many hours! Happy HNT!

Interest and Intrigue

Hi, ya'll. It's been awhile since I've posted anything; I've been super busy with life and the usual blah blah, trying to be more disciplined, which is very difficult for me. I laughingly say I'm just kind of on the Bohemian side, but the truth is that I annoy even myself sometimes with my scattered ways. On Thursday I'm meeting up with some homeschooling parents and hope that might be a good start toward forming some good relationships with other local Moms and giving my daughter a chance to form some friendships with other kids her age. The group is even considering starting an art co-op and I feel like I'd be a good addition to that. Each parent would do a lesson a month or something along that idea. At first I was nervous about the idea of that but then I realized I had no reason to be nervous. I do creative projects with my own daughter all the time, I love art, and I'd been considering going back to school for art therapy, which would have involved tons of human interaction in an artistic capacity, and I was hugely excited about the idea of that until I realized that I'd have to move someplace else to go to school, which right now isn't feasible. Anyway, it's a positive step toward making a move with regard to my daughter's education.

On a completely different subject, I decided to go back to being a redhead. Maybe it was my recently deepened connection to my Irish/Celtic heritage, or maybe it was the fact that the bleach was destroying my hair. Maybe it was a bit of both. Whatever the case, my hair feels a lot better after just four weeks of not being dyed platinum, and I feel more like myself again. It's always amazing to me how much hair color can effect how a person feels. Being blonde was fun, but I've done it sooo many times before that the novelty has long worn off, and I'm happy to wear a shade that's more natural to me.

As far as the "intrigue" part of this post, I've been reading a lot about the dominant/submissive relationship thing. I always hesitate to post anything with regard to sex, but I find this subject really fascinating. I don't know if I would consider myself a feminist. An equalist, maybe, but not so much a feminist, per se. Strong men have always been a huge turn on for me, and weak, "yes dear" sort of men a huge turn off. So, it's interesting to me to read stories about women who are in relationships where the man is in a dominant position, to read about their view points and the reasons why they enjoy being a part of this type of relationship. There is a physical aspect to this whole dynamic, which I will refrain from getting into in this blog- I think that some people will know what I'm talking about without me going any further in my wording. Sometimes, into the stew of life a few spices must be thrown, no?

I Also Hate Condo Commandos

The blasted condo police are in full force. My landlady called today to tell me that she received a complaint about our fence due to the fact that it wasn't approved through the Association (said with an exaggerated, arrogant accent-by me, not her). We put the fence up to afford us a bit of privacy due to the fact that our unit backs up to a pond, which then backs up to the road going in and out of our development. According to the landlady (who was totally cool about the whole thing) the reason for the complaint was that people can see our place when they come and go, and God forbid the fence isn't of the same design as the rest of this place. Cookie cutter heaven, all of it. Don't get me wrong; we live in a nice place and I feel blessed that when we had to move from our last apartment we were able to find this one and begin cleaning it and fixing it up almost month before me moved in. Someday, though, I think it would be wonderful to live in a house with a private yard where no one could say a thing about what type of fence we decided to erect, what types of flowers we decide to plant and what color we deem it nice to paint our home. This political b.s. is not really something I like to engage in. I'm a private person who doesn't care what anyone else is doing as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. I've never felt the need to busy body into anyone else's private life. As long as my neighbor is keeping their yard clean (and here I will interject that in spite of the fact that someone seems to be offended by my fence they are apparently not offended by the garbage that has been collecting around the pond-I guess it's not landscaping's job to clean it up) I could really care less about what type of patio decorations they decide to put out. Gnomes, fences, cacti, whatever. Who is anyone else to infringe on our white picket dream???

Another Day of Hating South Florida (sort of)

I say, "sort of" because I think hate is a strong word. I don't hate it exactly, I just dislike many things about it, not the least of which is the school system. That's not to say there aren't some great teachers here (who aren't getting paid nearly enough money); it's just that the atmosphere in which they have to teach isn't always the greatest. I won't get into it too much because I don't want to seem overly negative with regard to South Florida, but I definitely will not, if I can avoid doing so, send my child to any school here. I'm currently researching the homeschooling option, which I think is kind of a cool idea even if one lives in an area with a great public school system. I grew up in a great public school system and still hated it. When I arrived at college and realized how much different it was I was hugely relieved. In college I could be myself, without all the b.s. Aside from the school system, I'm just tired of being here. I want to be back with my family. I'm tired of all the scam artists and scumbags who live here. For every cool person I meet I seem to meet ten fake or otherwise horribly untrustworthy people who fool me for a short time into thinking they're relatively normal (and understand that my definition of normal is fairly liberal) and then stab me in the back somehow. Either that, or I get into relationships with people and they move away (it seems like every time I form a close friendship with someone cool they leave-a telling pattern). I'm tired of taking the time to build relationships just to have people move away or turn into psychopaths (and, in a few cases, I mean this literally) so at the moment I'm in a state of near isolation. I'm not in a position where I want to get close to anyone else down here. I'm part of a couple of online Mommy groups, but not all the women in those groups are from down here, and when I do "meet" someone from here I'm skeptical, although I still talk with people and try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have met a few really great people since I've been here. Possibly, I'm a bit grumpy due to the intense heat that set in about one month ago, not to be gone until probably next January or December, if we're lucky. The oppressive humidity makes being outside unbearable; I can't take my daughter to the park and the first few minutes of being in the car first thing in the morning are like being shut into a sweat box. Even with the a/c running for a few minutes it's still hot in my car. Anyway, seven weeks until I go up to Massachusetts again and I can't wait. I'm going for two weeks to visit with my family in my home state and I couldn't be happier about it. Hubby is coming up for a long weekend as well, which will be good because the only thing I hate about being up there is him being down here while I'm up there. I miss him horribly when we're apart for any length of time (this being a good thing!). All of this said, I think I just heard the sound of many toys scuttering across the downstairs tile floor, so this would probably be a good time to sign off. It's dinnertime anyway.

Mainstream Be Damned...

For a long time (at least over the past few years) I think I've been trying to choose the easier path, the one I think will be acceptable to those around me, to the general population, even, in some cases, to my family. But what if that path begins to feel a bit constrictive? What if it is missing key elements of who you are, if it starts to overshadow everything you've ever known about the truths of your soul? I know that I've talked ALOT about religion in this blog. The truth is that I find all religions interesting because they speak volumes about the people who follow them and I think they help us to understand the inner workings of the societies which make up our planet. I've spent the last year or so really digging Judaism, really getting into the spiritual end of it, bypassing the stuff I didn't completely agree with and just generally enjoying the values behind it and the holidays. The rub is that while I was practicing Judaism (and I will admit that I was practicing in a rather peripheral way...) I felt an empty space. I would hear people talking about how they wanted to go to Israel like it was the ultimate travel destination of the soul and I would think, "Hmmm. That's how I feel about Ireland." To me Ireland has always been my "mother land", my ultimate destination, the place where I feel most connected as far as my roots are concerned. Ireland is the place where most of my ancestors walked and lived; it's a place I love deeply even though I've yet to travel to her shores. Because of this desire I've always felt to meld my spirituality to my Irishness, I tried about a year ago to follow Catholicism with my husband. I went to church with him and tried to listen to the priests talk about this and that, but I didn't feel any deep stirring within myself. If anything, I just felt disconnected from God. Feeling like a hypocrite because the only peace I could find in the church was by staring at the statue of Mary and imaging her as the embodiment of the Pagan Goddess, I stopped attending church. My belief system was just too far from what they were telling me was fact. So, lately I've been delving into the depths of Paganism again, reading about the God/Goddess (I've always viewed God as both male and female, and, actually, Judaism supports this belief), getting back in touch with the part of me within that has always been in tune with the worlds of animal and spirit around me, letting go of the guilt for believing that it's okay to commune with my spirit guides. I've been getting into meditation and celebrating the spring (Imbolc) and summer (Litha) seasons. I feel really good, very at peace, probably more so than I have in a long time. I joined an online group of Pagan mommies from whom I'm learning all kinds of cool stuff and getting support. I feel like, in this community, I will be accepted for my belief that tattoos are a spiritual part of life (although certainly not everyone who gets tattoos does it because they feel it enriches them spiritually, and that's completely okay!), that it's okay to go with my inner belief that being gay or lesbian is just natural for some (Judao-Christian dogma does not allow for this and it has always gone against the grain of what I feel in my heart to be right), that life is a balance of light and dark, with neither being all good or all bad. This might seem like a complete "about face" along the path of my faith, but really this is what I've believed all along. I don't know what about any religion is based on pure, historical fact. I know what feels good and right and natural and right now this is it. This is a path I embarked on many years ago, but never really delved into wholly. I don't think I was capable of being as in touch with spirit then as I am now; many things have changed and I've grown ALOT since those far away days!!!! There is a level of devotion and seriousness that needs to be there, a level of being willing to give of one's self that I hadn't reached back in the late 80's, but today I feel like a completely different person in that respect, and in many other respects as well. Anyway, this is beginning to turn from a blog entry into a ramble, so I will leave you. Have a wonderful!!!!

Banks and Birthday Gifts

There were many things I didn't accomplish today in the way of business stuff (making out invoices, etc.) but I did buy my husband a gift for his birthday tomorrow-two pretty cool shirts in the genre of tropical. He needed a couple of nice new shirts; he buys lots of t shirts but usually won't go out and shop for regular ones and he likes wearing them over jeans. So, I'm a good wife today. I can't believe he's 47-I always think of him as being younger than that. Not that 47 is old or anything, I just can't believe that's how old he is. There was a time once when 40 seemed like such a long way off, and now it's almost here and I find myself baffled by how quickly the time moved and how much I still want to accomplish. The longer time goes on, the more I realize I need to get off my butt and do the things I really want to do. Yikes.

Happy Thursday

I'm feeling much better today, aside from a having a slight headache when I wake up, which I've had upon waking for the past couple of days. So far, I've been sleeping alright without the Nyquil, which is good because I don't like taking that repeatedly. I don't think it's good for my body to take it all the time. I finally made the butterflies with Bebe today; I cut the butterflies out of colored paper and we painted them, then folded them over to smudge the paint all around and make them have a tie dyed sort of effect. They came out really cool and we had a good time making them. I even cut one out of black construction paper and let her decorate it herself with stickers and sparkle glue. Tomorrow I'll glue gold pipe cleaners on their little heads for antennaes, and pop a thread through them so we can hang them up. Even though the Solstice was last Thursday, it will be summer for a long while, so the project was in the spirit of the season. It was too rainy to be outside this morning and too hot to be outside in the afternoon, so it was a good day to be creative. I'm too tired to be able to think of anything else even remotely intelligent to say, so that's my cue to sign out!!!!

A Little Better Every Day

Well, I took a shot of Nyquil last night, which is something I hardly ever do. I dislike putting chemicals into my body which might be harsh, but last night I was desperate to take something which I knew would knock me out. I needed a good night's sleep; yesterday I was so tired I felt dizzy and lightheaded throughout the hours. I was unwilling to go through that again today. I'm happy to say that the Nyquil did its promised job and I feel a little bit better today. I'm still a bit lightheaded, due to the congestion in my head, but I feel a little better than I did yesterday and much better than I felt the day before that. I feel like my body should be healthy enough to be able to tackle this thing; I have on my side the fact that I don't smoke, am not overweight, and eat a reasonable healthy diet most of the time (occasional visits to McDonald's notwithstanding). Possibly the worst thing about feeling ill is that it takes away from my creative flow. I haven't felt like painting this week; I feel like anything I put onto the canvas will be coming from such a muddled place that it won't be good. I don't believe I can focus the way I need to when my head feels like it's swimming on air. Maybe I'll try a bit today. I do have some butterflies which I cut out of construction paper; I'd planned on painting and decorating them with my daughter yesterday in honor of it being the first day of summer (Summer Solstice/Litha) but we ran out of time. Maybe today we'll do that. At least it's something creative, and I get to do something fun with my little one, who is all too easy to bore these days!!!! I hope everyone else's day is blessed and healthy. Y

I'm Very Sleepy

I wish I could curl up into a little ball right now and go to sleep. For hours. I went out last night to meet up with some friends for the surprise birthday party of a really good friend who decided not to attend. Apparently, the party was a surprise and he wasn't in the mood to be surprised. The girl who organzied the party was to'd but what can you do? I had fun hanging out; my daughter came with me and ate some spaghetti, and I called D this afternoon to wish him a happy and told him I loved him even if he didn't like surprise birthday parties. All night long I felt pretty good, if not a little bit speeded out from the cold medicine I'd taken earlier. I went to bed with nothing more than a mild headache and was awakened at 3:30AM with a SCREAMER of a sinus headache. WTF????!!!! I downed more cold medicine but it helped only marginally. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night and am now afraid to take a nap for fear that the headache will return. Even now it's lurking in the background, waiting evilly to pounce. I feel like my every thought is swimming through a sea of green ooze; I can't wait to feel better. I conducted a bit of online research yesterday afternoon and discovered that, yes, sinus headaches can be related to pollution. This somewhat supports my theory that the root of our ills is growing in the soil of South Florida. Today I met not one but two people who are moving back home within the next day or so. I wish that we could get out of here. I want a real pizza and some Boston attitude RIGHT NOW. Please. With a little bit of sugar on top.

Blahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I definitely believe there is a link between illness and geographical location. My husband, daughter, and local friends have been sick WAY too much over the past year or two; more than friends and family who live in other locations far from this place. About three weeks ago N developed a horrible headache that wouldn't go away. Ibuprophen wouldn't kill it; the only medicine that seemed to temporarily relieve the symptom was Benedryl. At night he took Niquil, which knocks me out for half the next day as well as for the night. Finally, he went to a doctor, who advised that he had a sinus infection and prescribed medication. Two days ago I woke up with the same headache and today I feel terrible. I'm trying to nurse it away using natural remedies but fear that I too will need to make a trip to a doctor's office to rid myself of this latest evil. I'm so tired of constantly battling various forms of illness. It seems like it must be bad for our immune systems to be constantly having to fight off this virus, or that germ. Here's the rub: I went online and discovered that the area we live in is one of the dirtiest in the country. This area which is supposed to be so desirable and is so expensive to buy in is horrible for one's health. We live near a train station, I-95, a few marinas, powerlines, and a main road, not to mention the fact that we have a huge Outdoor World across the street from our development. I want to move away from here to someplace healthy so badly that I'm praying for some miracle to happen that will allow us to do so. Everyplace possesses its own ills, but I think that here in Broward County we have more than our fair share, and the constant heat doesn't help; I think viruses and germs thrive here since there is never any chill to kill them off. Is this paradise????

Happy HNT

Sorry, but I'm too tired and lazy today to take a picture and upload it to my computer. No HNT for me today. I took Bebe to the park this afternoon only to spend about fifteen minutes there before the rains came. First, the air became very cool-usually a sure sign of an impending soaker. That isn't enough to make me run, because a small shower can be withstood. Soon, however, the skies darkened, the rumble of thunder sounded ominously, and I saw two flashes of lightning. That was enough to send me scrambling; lightning in Florida is a highly dangerous entity not to be trifled with. So, on homeward, where we got stuck in the car briefly due to the major downpour that began just minutes after we got into my car at the park. As I type, the skies are blue with a few fluffy white clouds drifitng past, and the sun is shining gloriously. We need the rain and so are blessed by its coming but I do wish we'd left the house sooner. I felt bad leaving so quickly; my daughter did NOT want to get off the swing! My mood as of late has been very positive and good. I've been avoiding things and people that drain my energy, which includes television shows that make me feel yucky after watching them (due to excessive violence, etc.) and people who are physicic/emotional vampires. I've also been avoiding watching the news any more than once per day because usually at least one story will depress the hell out of me. Also, I've been using my ability to visualize in great detail to try to create some positive change in my life. So far, so good. Each day is a new one with new challenges!

Number 11

On a cue from my good friend, the Keyser's, website, I did this bloggie thing and here's what I came up with. Like the Keys, I believe this to be just a fun thing, since there isn't enough information collected for numerology to be a possible way of determining who I am as a person.

***Your Life Path Number is 11***
Your purpose in life is to inspire others
Your amazing energy draws people to you, and you give them great insight in return.You hold a great amount of power over others, without even trying.You have the makings of an inventor, artist, religious leader, or prophet.
In love, you are sensitive and passionate. You connect with your partner on a very deep level.
You have great abilities, but you are often way too critical of yourself.You don't fit in - and instead of celebrating your differences, you dwell on them.You have high expectations of yourself. But sometimes you set them too high and don't achieve anything.

What Is Your Life Path Number?http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourlifepathnumberquiz/

It is kind of crazy accurate in some respects. I am an artist, I am extremely passionate in my relationships, and I tend to connect with people, my partner and other select people, on a very deep level. I've had employers who would tell me everything about their lives and then tell me they had no idea why they felt so comfortable telling me everything; they just felt like they could trust me. I've always thought that was kind of cool, although sometimes people have told me things I wished they wouldn't have! Ewwww. As far as celebrating my differences, I used to be self conscious about my eccentricities, but not so much as of late. I feel I'm no better and no worse than anyone else, and who cares what people think? I have to be true to who I am.

Peace.

Ah, The Sunny Month of June

I found this picture at the Nicks Fix web site, a pretty cool site dedicated to all things Stevie, whose music I've loved for many years. I was reading a peice about her today and came across a statement she made about how she didn't want to have kids because she knew that her creativity would suffer for it; she wouldn't be home to raise them and had no desire to go to PTA meetings. That made me think about my own creativity and the concessions I have to make due to my own familial obligations. It is true that, as a Mom, my time is largely taken up with the responsibilities of taking care of a home, raising my daughter, and worrying about both things. I fit my creativity in also, but I've only been managing to do that as of late, and that was because I finally realized I was slowly going insane. I can't selfishly immerse myself in my art for days at a time, but I can make time during the day to devote to creativity, although I have to choose just one avenue of creativity down which to wander each day (which is why I haven't been blogging as often as previously I was). I don't see myself as a conventional Mom, though. I've tried and tried to do the Mommy group thing, mostly for the sake of my daughter, but most of the time I'm not feeling it. I'd rather take her to the park or somewhere else on my own; she still meets other kids and has fun, and I don't feel compelled to make small talk unless I come across someone interesting who I actually want to talk to, and that does happen fairly often. I've met some cool women at the Mommy groups, but I must admit that overall the meet ups aren't something I particularly enjoy. Maybe if I could find a local Mommy group with some witchy pagan chicks I'd enjoy it more; who knows? As far as the PTA thing, I want to be very involved in my daughter's education; I've even considered homeschooling because I don't like so many of the ideas presented in public schools. I also like the idea of my daughter attending a private school that allows the kids to be creative and incorporates visual art and music into the curriculum in more than in an aside sort of way. The problem with private schools is that they cost a huge amount of money, and I'm not sure we'll have that option available to us. As far as homeschooling, I don't know if my daughter will thrive as much if she's learning from me, and if she'll have trouble adapting later, say, if she decides to go to college. I think having some sort of outside education is important; it allows for kids to spread their wings a bit. I will need to learn more about the pros and cons of homeschooling before I will consider it as a serious option. Hubby isn't too hip on the idea anyway. I don't have an image of myself as the stereotypical soccer Mom; I don't want to lose who I am, I don't want to lose my edge or the funky part of my persona just to seem more normal to other parents. I do know that when it comes to my daughter, I am constantly striving to be a better person for her sake, to be a good example, to overcome my fears, to step outside my usual rhelm of comfort in order for her to have fun and meet other kids. I don't see that I have to make a choice between being a Mom and being an artist, but it is definitely more challenging to be both of those things well. It's not impossible, though, and sometimes the struggle makes me want to fight all that much harder to be terrific at both.