More Car Troubles

Well, went out and did a bunch of errands today, after having a great weekend (during which my car seemed to be running just fine). I came out of the supermarket with my little one, got into the car, turned the key and.....nothing but a very disappointing chuga chuga sound followed by silence. After a few more efforts (which yielded still more chuga chuga sounds) I called N again and he, once again, came to our rescue. This time we brought the car to the mechanic, who promptly diagnosed my little car as having a bad alternator. Oh, and the new battery was dead as a door nail as well, having been dutifully powering my car for me all on its own over the past four days. Thankfully, the battery was warranteed and we didn't get charged for another one. Unfortunately, the rest of the work was quite costly. Fortunately, they were able to fix it tonight and now my car is back home. I'm glad the problem is fixed; it's no fun getting stuck relatively far away from home!!!! It's kind of sad that as I sat in the parking lot of the supermarket with my hood up no one save for a young guy came over to ask me if I needed any help. Plenty of people looked at me curiously, but no one offered their assistance. Sad.

Thursday Hellos

Just a girl and her cat on a Thursday morning, checking in while thinking about life and how the decisions we make effect us and those around us, and the reasons for the fear that sometimes keeps us from having the great life we desire and deserve and are meant to have. As children, we all possess dreams of who we want to be "when we grow up", but as adults so often we get thrust into rolls we never really wanted to have, unsure of how we got there. I'm not speaking for myself in the now-there are lots of things I want to do, but I'm deeply and truly happy about where I am in this moment. If I rewind back to a few years ago, though, I found myself in a law office, gaining valuable experience in the workplace but deeply bored, feeling a bit stuck because quitting would have meant losing the money that was paying for my car, my health insurance, money for rent, and barely enough for living. A wonderful colleague of mine who has since moved to New York City (and I'm so happy for her that she took that leap) would often ask me what I was doing there. We'd be in the mailroom, trying to finish up the day's work so we could bust out of the drudgery for the evening, and she would cock her head to one side, study my face, and say, "You're an artist. Why are you here, working in a law office?" Indeed, the area around my desk at the time was plastered with pictures of rock climbing in Colorado, the city scape of Boston, family members who I missed, and the colors on my computer changed on almost a daily basis because I'd get tired of looking at the same old grey tones. I used to joke that this was a desparate attempt to infuse my daily life with some creativity. By the time I got home I would be so burned out, my energy completely sapped, that I'd have little motivation to do anything aside from go to a meeting, eat a bit of dinner, and collapse on the couch. After fielding telephone calls all day long the sound of my own phone ringing would make me cringe. Anyway, why is it that some of us don't follow our dreams and desires, our true dreams and desires? Why do we think they are so out of reach, only meant for someone else? If everyone allowed themselves to succumb to this belief, we would have no Abraham Joshua Heshels, no Colin Farrels, no Albert Einsteins, no Jacque Cousteaus, no Conrad Ankers. While I'm asking all of these questions, why do I believe this? A few months ago I was at an art show with N in Miami. We walked up and down rows of booths, some displaying paintings, some showing sculptures created from various materials, some boasting antique jewelry, some packed with gorgeous Judaic artwork and religious items. One of my favorite stops was at the booth of an older man who splits his time between New York City and Florida. His work consisted of paintings of New York City, wonderful scenes of daily life in the Big Apple. I talked with him for awhile about his artwork, about New York, and about how lucky he was to have the opportunity to spend his time in two super cool places and stay warm throughout the year. His eyes lit when he spoke of his love for his home city and about his creative passion. I walked away feeling inspired and wondering why I hadn't taken the same leap. I suppose time is always an issue, but this morning I read something in a magazine over breakfast that made me think twice about the "not enough time theory". We need to follow our passions even when we're tired, even when we don't feel like it, even when we don't think we have anything left to give to the effort. We might be surprised at how much fuel we pile onto our creative fire when we honor our muse. Part of the reason I keep a blog is that I love to write. Why have I never pursued a job in writing? Part of the reason is that I went to school for art, not journalism, but maybe I limit myself with this type of rationale. I've written for a local paper and received nothing back but positive commentary. In fact, a few people recently mentioned that they missed my column and wondered when I would be writing it again. My Papa, of Blessed Memory, once told me that I should be a writer, because it was something that came easily to me and that I did well. My Papa was a business owner, who created a prosperous and good life for his family through his business. He was also a highly ethical and generous soul, a person who lived Judaism the way it's supposed to be lived, using his prosperity not only to enjoy his own life, but also to help others around him live a little more prosperously. In short, he was a wise man and someone for whom I have an abundance of respect. I will carry his memory and his faith in me today as I launch myself back into the world, busily doing the jobs I need to complete for N's business (which keeps us fed and living under a roof), as well, hopefully, as a few things that I need to do for my spirit and for my little one's spirit. Have a great Thursday.

Another Lazy Sunday

Although it might not be so lazy, as I realized upon entering my "computer zone" that I actually have a little smattering of work to do today! Yesterday was spent wandering around Boca Raton. Me and family made the drive up there yesterday to look at a house we are thinking about renting. We want to buy something, and this house is also for sale, but the owner will consider renting it for awhile also. Due to the less than desirable school system in the area where we live, as well as a few other factors, N and I are thinking about making a move away from here. The house is located in a nice area, near a good school, a park, and lots of shopping which is nearby but not right in the back yard. We both got a good feel from the neighborhood; it felt very safe to me and there were lots of basketball hoops in driveways, kids toys, etc, which indicates to us that there are many families living there. One of the problems we have been encountering in our current digs is the lack of other "family people" to hang out with. Most of the people we know are still single and living the single life. We have a three year old and would love to meet some other people who have kids, who live their lives within the perameters of having children. It's not that we don't love the friends we have; we do, and will miss them if we leave. But, it felt good up there yesterday, better than I thought it would feel. I think that it's time for a change; we've been feeling that for awhile and this might be the opportunity we need. If we can't buy the house, at least we will be further north, venturing further toward the area where we want to live. Some prayer and mediation will hopefully help us to come to a conclusion. We don't have much time to think about it, because the owner needs an answer so that he can either continue trying to sell the place or take it off the market.

On another note, I miss A's blogging. It's very sad that there are sick, crazy people in the world who keep us from enjoying some of the things we become accustomed to, such as reading the blogs of old friends and blogging ourselves. I hope he will be back soon and I hope psycho-stalker will decide to run along her own merry way and get the professional help she so desperately needs.

Been Away!

My computer was attacked by a virus, so I've had no access. Why do people send such evil rubbish out into cyberspace?? After lugging my computer to Geek Squad and waiting for about 5 days, I'm back in the loop. The worst part of the whole thing was losing all of the work forms I've created over the past 4 years (stupid of me not to have backup, I know). Since it's now 12am and my eyes are blurring as I type (because I've spent the past two hours re-creating forms so I could get some work done), I think I'll go to bed. Missed everyone...

Easter Sunday

I hope everyone out there in blogger space who celebrates Easter has a happy day today. I am supposed to be in the shower right now and will be momentarily, hopefully before N walks in the door, home from church. I'm such an irresponsible wife some days but I honestly try my hardest. There is a free spirit inside this wife and mommy that will never be anything but, and I have to work daily to integrate her wildness with the part of me who loves home, security and routine. That's one of the things which makes creativity so wonderful. I can channel my fears, frustrations, joys, etc. into my art and the energy generated creates a whole new story. Someone else might look at my photographs, drawings or paintings and find a new meaning, a meaning all their own which is just as valid because my art is generated (I believe) through my connection to a divine power, and it's not just about or for my own needs and wants. We are going to have Easter dinner with a friend of ours today, but I'm not sure what time we are supposed to be at his house, so I'd best get hopping (little Easter pun there-gag or laugh at will). It won't do to have my husband come home and find Little One and I still lying around in our jammies, although I must confess that's all I feel like doing today. Such a lazy girl, me, on Sunday.

Happy Ostara

(Above picture from Llewllyn Witches Calendar 2000)

Happy Ostara/Vernal Equinox to all. Little One and I have been busily immersed in activities to celebrate the holiday, making and painting papier mache eggs, coloring in an Ostara coloring page, making hard boiled eggs to decorate. That last activity is going to be pushed back to tomorrow, since today has gotten away from us. All in all it has been a great day. I stuck to a schedule of some sort and we managed to get all of our errands done this morning and still make a trip to the park. After that we came home for lunch, where N was working ( a good thing in these scary financial times) and passed on a bunch of work to me. Thus, we didn't have time to decorate our eggs today, but will have a fun project to do tomorrow. I was in a great mood earlier, but now I feel a little bit grumpy. I'm not sure exactly why; possibly it has to do with an upcoming job N has taken. Although I think that being alone for short (maybe) stretches might be good for me in some ways, the things that are good for us spiritually are often painful in the beginning, and sometimes they are painful all the way through. I hate being separated from N. I do believe that the Goddess works in mysterious ways, and I've seen her work in my life often over the past couple of weeks. Too many things have happened to be called coincidence and I am clinging to that in the hopes that the coming months will yield some wonderful fruits, financially, artistically and spiritually. Time will tell!

Popping By

I haven't written anything in days. I just don't have the time to write every day anymore. Really, I've never had the time, but here and there I can squeeze in some computer time. That said, I'm supposed to be doing some work right now.....I have been reading other blogs, and am amazed at how some people will just leave whatever comments they feel like leaving on someone's site (I'm talking about rude, nasty comments) without stating who they are. Is this about fear? Is it about worrying that other people will think them petty or silly or both? We all write online for different reasons. For me, it's about satiating my writing jones and keeping up some contact with an outside world farther away than outside my door and down the street. As a stay at home Mom, sometimes I feel isolated and a bit lonely. Sure, I have friends, but with my time schedule the way it is, I have very little down time. I'm inspired and get support from some of my online friends, and I have come back into contact with some old friends who now live far away as well, which has been wonderful. Some current correspondence I've entered into with a woman who I will most likely never meet in this lifetime has been helping me tremendously along the spiritual path I know is right for me (and thank you, A, for telling me to "dance like no one is watching"! You couldn't have put it better.), although I'm not sure she realized she was going to be a teacher when we first started "talking"! I hope I'm helping her as well. Sometimes maybe I put out too much. The fact is, when we type something into our computer and send it along it's merry way we don't know who is going to read our words. As an artist, an emotionally charged person, a person who "feels" so so so so much all the time, it feels natural to just blurt out what I'm feeling. I do try to refrain from giving anyone except for my close friends, people who I truly know, deeply personal information. But I try to be honest online, to "be who I write". If anyone doesn't like that, I guess they can just travel along the internet to another site! I don't know how to be anything other than who I am, and I don't have interest in being a fluffy blogger just because some people perusing blog sites think that people should refrain from talking about their true emotions. That said, thanks to those of you who listen kindly.

The above picture is a peice of a lithograph I did years ago. It looks better in its entirety, but what the hell.

Saturday Musings

It's Saturday, N is working, and I am home alone with Little Bee. The sun is shining gloriously outside after a morning of angry rainstorms. Our tomato plants appear to be a bit battered by the onslaught. They need watering, but their delicate arms can't withstand too much battering the way they are staked. I think I will need to purchase some tomato cages and fence the little fellows in so that they will have a chance to produce come the strong sunshine of the summer. I find myself lonely today, and not just a tad homesick once again. The above picture is such a stereotype of northern Witchcraft, but, all humor aside, I did like Salem when I visited there. Although so much old anger lies in the soil of the old graveyards, the town has a very old New England feel to it. Granted, most people visiting there know very little about true Witchcraft, but I like that Laurie Cabot has shone a bit of light on that subject. It was her shop I first traveled to when I wanted to learn more, one summer day many years ago. I remember the trip like it was yesterday, buzzing along the highway on the back of my then boyfriend's motorcycle, clutching the too big helmet to my head and anticipating what it would be like to meet a REAL WITCH. I was so naive back then. When we entered Laurie's old shop (Crow Haven Corner) I was assailed by the heady fragrance of incense. It was as if magic hung in the air at that place; there were shelves of books discussing various subjects related to all things Witchy and magical, jewelry, ritual tools, interesting objects D'Art. Laurie was not there, only a quiet, mohawked girl behind the counter, wearing a chopped up t shirt with a pentacle screen printed on the front. I didn't purchase anything that day, but the seed was planted. Later, I bought a few of Laurie's books, which lead me to other books, and on and on I went on this spiritual quest. I've wandered the pathways of other religions since then, but I'm always called back to this one. An online friend told me that some of us hear a calling to the Pagan path, and that it's special when this occurs, and I think she's right. She also advised me recently that when we become seekers along the magical pathway, a God or Goddess will often choose to teach us. I smiled when I read this, since I am very attracted to Brighid and have been inspired to do a painting in her honor (of course, this means I need to finish the other painting on which I'm working...). I'm a bit lonely along this road. I found a local Pagan community while I was browsing online, but haven't attended any of their meetups yet. I believe they meet once a month. I am experiencing trepidation; is this fear of the unknown, fear of making any real sort of committment (which would need to be examined), fear of what N might think? Perhaps what I feel is a combination of all of these things. I have always been mainly solitary in my studies and ritual work. Venturing into a public arena is a bit scary for me; it means sharing very personal idea and beliefs, and I'm not used to doing that. In the everyday world, this type of belief system is so foreign as to be frightening to many people, and people tend to act with hostility when confronted with issues and/or beliefs that frighten them. Also in the shadows of my mind lurks the fear of betraying any sort of religious beliefs my family might have. I do feel connected to being Jewish and to having Catholic roots as well (although I'm more comfortable with my Jewish roots than my Catholic ones- I relate my Irish roots to a Pagan spiritual belief system). I try to incorporate different aspects of Judaism and Paganism into my life, but sometimes it's difficult to do this, since Judaism is completely incompatable with Paganism! The concept of One God eclipsed Pagan ideas when it came into being; those following a "One God" religion simply do not believe that there are other Gods/Goddess in existence and they definitely do not try to communicate with them or understand them on a deeply personal level. I feel that meeting other people who practice the Old Ways might help me to feel more comfortable with my own beliefs and experiences. Perhaps, in this Leap Year, it's time to take that leap of faith and sail into some uncharted territories, to climb mountains that I have not as yet mapped routes for. I know that once a route along a mountain is created, it's easier to climb it the next time, for the safety bolts have been anchored, and a bit of previous fear has been conquered. We've been introduced to companions who have traveled such routes before, thus giving us confidence that we too can pull ourselves up to greater spiritual heights, no matter how many little rocks and pebbles might occasionally shower down around us. We cling to the mountain, becoming, in a sense, one with her, letting her quiet strength penetrate our souls. I suppose I should be grateful for having a mind that constantly seeks and constantly questions and a soul which thirsts for a true connection with the Great Song, the Oran Mor, and my Guardian Spirits. I am grateful.

Busy Busy Busy

After getting up late and thus experiencing a hectic morning of rushing around so I could get to the gym and get home to get other things accomplished, I feel a little better now. I almost didn't go to the gym, but in order to feel better after all of the running this morning and to have the energy to make it through the remainder of our day, I needed to go run for 25 minutes and lift some weights. I know that doesn't sound logical, but if you spend time at the gym you understand what I mean. It is AMAZING how much more centered and energetic I feel after running for two miles. I've pushed my time down to a twelve minute mile (I started at 15) and I feel good about that, even though a twelve minute mile is still considered to be kind of slow, according to a girl friend of mine who runs marathons. No matter. It's good for me! My next task is to do some paperwork for the business, then I'm taking Little One out to the garden shop at Home Depot so we can try to grow some "egg heads" with cress seeds. We saw a fun project on the Noggin channel and decided to try it out. She can paint faces on the eggs, then we'll grow the cress inside. While we're there I will pick up some soil for our garden. The recent rains have washed away all of the good, rich soil we had for our vegetable garden and I don't think the sandy stuff that is left over has much in the way of nutrients for growing plants. So far, the plants have yielded a hot pepper and a still growing bell pepper. We're going the organic route, which means that occasionally I have to go out and brush the bugs off the plants. Thankfully, we have a very small garden, otherwise I'd need to begin research on organic pest repellants. At some point, I hope that will be necessary but for now we have a humble "city garden"; enough to make our tiny back yard area pretty and green and welcoming to the occasional butterfly (even though we don't have butterfly plants back there yet). I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. We're going to hang out with a good friend on Sunday who is moving to Georgia. Everyone is leaving!!!!!!

Tuesday

I've kept a safe distance from my computer over the past couple of days, save for checking my email. It is amazing how much extra time I seem to possess when I don't spend time blogging and surfing the internet. That said, I have realized that I need to spend more time away from my computer screen. I enjoy the computer; as a stay at home Mom it affords me an opportunity to catch glimpses of the outside world during this period of my life when sometimes I feel so sequestered. I will continue to blog and to puruse the internet world, but I think that I need to do so with greater discipline, which is something I so rarely seem to have in any area of my life.

On another note, the weather here has already taken a turn for HOT, and spring has not even kissed the ground yet. Of course, here in Florida winter is not a season that cloaks the earth in white and paints our windows with designs of crystal. Still, the temperatures don't usually reach the high 80's in February, and these days, when global warming seems to be so real in this southern part of the U.S., I like to eke out every bit of winter possible. Soon the humidity will lower over us like a shroud, making even the action of breathing cause to sweat profusely. The air conditioner in my little car will work feverishly to cool us, but the only relief to be had will be in running to the refuges of the mall or the supermarket. Our home is even hot in the summer; to keep the air low enough to make the place comfortable all season long is to court bankruptcy.

For today, there are errands to be run and then possibly a trip to a local park for Little One. Yesterday we did a St. Patrick's Day craft, making a shamrock mobile which is hanging above our kitchen table. She was so proud to show it to N when he stomped in from work last night; it makes me so happy when she greets him at the door with such gusto. I think that he must truly feel loved, having two women rushing to tackle him upon hearing the key in the lock!!!

A Very Quick Post

Since I should be at a meeting right now, I'm going to keep today's post quick. Lately, I've been pondering the merits of a vegetarian diet again. Everyone who knows me well is accustomed to my fluctuations back and forth between a vegetarian diet and that of an omnivore. Usually, I manage to hold out sans meat for a few weeks before caving in to my carniverous cravings. Yesterday I read an article about possible meat contamination that made me think twice about the safety of our meat supply. The peice noted the issue of cruelty to animals as if such a thing only happened once in awhile. Anyone who reads PETA's website, or any website dedicated to the humane treatment of animals is well acquainted with the knowledge that animal cruelty is a part of everyday life in the world of animals being raised for circulation into our food supply. This, and not the issue of whether or not people were meant to eat other animals or whether it's healthy for us to do so has always been my main reason for abstaining from meat products. Animals who are not completely healthy, who can't walk on their own to the slaughterhouse, are killed every day for the purpose of being fed to American consumers. My goal here is not to tell anyone they shouldn't eat meat. To do so would be just a tad bit hypocrytical on my part. I did find this peice which I read today (not the original article mentioned above but still a good read) interesting and thought maybe someone else might want to read it. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080221/ap_on_re_us/slaughterhouse_abuse;_ylt=AlDRn5ognnFddvL4FDCyRIlH2ocA

Here is another good one: http://blog.peta.org/archives/2008/02/beef_recall_res_1.php

and another: http://www.goveg.com/factoryFarming_cows.asp

Okay, getting off the soapbox now and heading to my meeting.

Sunday Night Back Home

We had a great time in Orlando, in spite of N's friend not contacting us until Saturday morning. We debated about making the trip, then decided to just go; we figured that if he didn't get in touch with us we could always go to Disney or SeaWorld! As it turned out, F hooked up with a girl at the tradeshow he'd flown down to attend, and we met up with him on Saturday morning. Friday night we stayed at an inexpensive hotel which was also occupied by many of the participants in a rodeo which took place on Saturday night. We really wanted to go to the rodeo but couldn't wait until 7PM on Saturday, so instead we went to a fair that was taking place at the rodeo grounds. Most of the rides were geared toward small children, so my daughter had a great time. We even talked my husband and his friend into taking a ride on the ferris wheel. N has a discomfort with heights that I wasn't familiar with until yesterday; I'm okay with heights as long as I feel like I'm not going to fall. Our daughter loved it! We even got F to come along. Later in the day we visited the Ripley's Believe it Or Not museum, which was a fun time. After eating a late dinner we all crashed; F had to catch a 6AM flight (bummer) so he was out by around 3AM. I finally got out of bed at 8AM; I couldn't take being kicked in the back or smacked in the face by my little one anymore. She tosses and turns ALOT when she sleeps, and for our little family to sleep in one bed usually means my husband and I don't get a quality night of sleep. Needless to say, tonight I will be sleeping VERY soundly.

(ps: picture above is not mine, but should be credited to westjet.com)

Shufflin' Off to Orlando

Later this afternoon we are heading up to Orlando to visit with a childhood friend of my husband's who is down from Louisiana to attend a trade show. Since he'll be in town for a couple of days and will be bored after the show is over we decided to meet him up there and hang out for the day tomorrow. We can stay at his hotel (he reserved a big room) and then head back Sunday morning. We aren't going to Disney this trip; this will be the first time we travel to Orlando for something other than going to Disney World! Our Valentine's Day was good; we were able to score a sitter, which meant that we had about three hours of inturrupted adult time at our favorite Irish restaurant. So nice to have that, in these days when time for intimacy between us is scarce. Before hitting the road north I am going to the library, where two James Lee Burke novels are waiting for me to pick them up. I LOVE this author. I tore through one of his earlier Dave Robicheaux novels in about a week and am looking forward to reading two more. It's rare for me to read fiction, but I need some fiction in my life these days for escape.
Happy weekend!

Rainy Wednesday

I had my gym bag packed and in the car early this morning, but when Little One woke up she had a scratchy, sore throat and a nasty cough, so we're staying home today. The skies are grey and the rain is falling on and off, sometimes in a downpour, sometimes in a drizzle. I like days like this sometimes. Perpetual sunshine has a negative effect on me. I like it, but not every day. My plan today is to go to Whole Foods Market for some good, organic produce to make dinner with tonight, and possibly some sort of natural sore throat remedy that is safe to give my daughter. N has been telling me for the past two nights (she's been courting this cough for a couple of days, but today it is suddenly worse) to give her Dimetapp, but I hate giving her that stuff unless I absolutely feel the need. I feel that organic foods digest more easily and I feel better when I go on "meat detoxification" diets here and there. If not for N, I think I could give it up altogether, but he's a country boy from Louisiana, and he's loathe to give up his steaks. As I type sirens wail in the distance. This rainy weather is useful for causing vehicular accidents; another good reason to stay home for most of it. After our trip to Whole Foods Market we'll come home and do a stained glass project which I bought for us to do together in honor of Imbolc. Brighid (Imbolc is also the feast of Brighid) is the Goddess of metalwork, fire, and mothers, among some other things, and Imbolc is, in part, about the strengthening of the sun in the approaching spring and a festival of light. I thought that, given these factors, stained glass would be appropriate (I bought a kit where we can paint the glass). I hope everyone else out there has a wonderful Wednesday, rain, snow, or whatever comes your way!

Why am I online again?

I sometimes think that there is no one out there who knows how to waste time better than I do, and I hate that fact. There are only a few hours contained within each day; I have so many things I want and need to do, but yet I piddle away the minutes on this little task, and that little chore, and soon it's noontime and soon after that it's 5:00. I've refrained from posting or even visiting my blog sites for a couple of days, since once I log on it seems that I fall into a black hole. Two hours later, I emerge feeling guilty and tired. My daughter is watching tv with N right now, but she's been watching tv for too long now. He isn't feeling well today; some sort of stomach thing that has been making the rounds. Tonight I'm speaking for a friend at a hospital rehab center. I've considered what I will be saying, but also realize that seldom does what I plan to say actually end up being what actually sputters forth from my mouth. Most times, things go well; they can't be too planned, though, or they sound phony, like you're reading from a recovery textbook but have no idea what it truly feels like when you need to be in a program of recovery. Hopefully I don't get nervous and blank out completely. That happens on occasion and it feels extremely awkward.

Back Home

We had a great time camping!!!! Being out in the woods for a couple of days was renewing, even though we didn't do much hiking as I'd hoped we would. Fisheating Creek offers a fairly small campground so the choices of hiking trails close to where we were limited. N went fishing early Saturday morning and then was too tired for much else, although we did visit a friend of his who lives in Venus. His friend wasn't home but his son rode us around their property on a golf cart, where we were followed by hungry black Angus cows. They mooed at us until we rode far enough away for them to lose interest. We enjoyed the company of some very cool people on this trip, which always makes for a good time. Lots of great conversation, quiet woodland nights, campfire, an afternoon boatride up the river. Fantastic! I cajoled our daughter into taking a short walk with me to an amazing cypress stand near our camp. The light filtering through the trees helped to create an area of peace and mystery. That was about as far as I could get her to walk with me; our daughter loves to run around, but she likes to go where she wants to go, and guided tours are rarely withstood.

Heading for the Woods

Okay, so this picture has nothing to do with the woods, but I haven't uploaded any new woods pictures yet so today we have one from a beach trip Little One and I took last summer. Tomorrow morning we're driving up to Fisheating Creek to camp for two nights and a couple of days. We have gathered a large group of people to meet us there and it should be a good time. I'm so bored right now that doing anything that involves spending time outside will be great. I'm hoping we get the chance to do some hiking this time around. For me, being in the woods and not being afforded the opportunity to hike is a cruel form of torture. While it may seem that just being in the woods should offer that opportunity, having kids changes the dynamics of life quite a bit. During the last trip to the Creek we walked around a bit but never had a chance to do any serious hiking due to the fact that our traveling companions were experiencing marital strife (never a fun issue for anyone involved), my daughter wasn't in the mood to walk, and we didn't have anyone at the camp who could help us watch her. I'm not really into anyone watching my daughter when we're out in the woods anyway, save for handful of people, so it's difficult to accomplish any type of challenging hike. I'm not sure who will show up for this trip but we'll do what we can and have fun with whatever we can make happen, as well as with whatever comes about. Sometimes events to which we've lent no effort or thought conspire which surpass anything we had conjured in our own imaginations.

Just For Today

Things are okay today. N got a small amount of money from the person I will now call "Evil Dude" for the sake of making something even the tiniest bit humorous out of a seriously bad situation. I will at least be able to get payroll this week, as well as pay a couple of bills. I was also able to pay a couple of bills this morning, so we're at least not behind the 8 ball. I have to stay in the moment somewhat right now, otherwise I'll be flipping out all day due to panic attacks. I did a card reading this morning, something I have not done in a very long time, which gave me some great insight into how to handle my conflicting emotions today. Following some of what I read, I made sure I took my Baby Girl to the beach today. We ran around in the sand, picking up shells and making sand forts, until she became tired and started throwing sand at me. She is still sniffly and tires quickly. She will never admit that she's tired, therefore when the sleepy bug bites her she switches into crazy mode and begins doing things like throwing sand, lying on the ground refusing to move, and other such unpleasant activities. Being at the beach with Little B kept me focused on the importance of family and on the happiness of childhood. I knew from the reading not to expect Evil Dude to come up with the full amount he owes my husband. I also knew that allowing myself to fall apart in fear over this fact was not going to help my family in any way. The worst was indeed realized when we discovered that E.D. owes nearly everyone with whom he is involved, including his employees, money. However, my husband's perseverance resulted in him obtaining enough money to get us by for another week or so. Anyway, one day at a time, we can get through the struggles before us!

A Smile on Monday

Here's another picture of my Beauty Queen and me, taken by my friend, Sam, at the wedding on Saturday. It reminds me of what is truly important in life and of how blessed I am. Our money situation is continueing, but for some reason today I wasn't as bothered by it. I have a gut feeling that things are going to work out somehow. N is busy at work, we have money coming in eventually, and we have the rent money so it's not like we're going to be out on the street or something. I spent some time this morning looking up Imbolc crafts to do with my daughter in the next couple of weeks. I've decided on candle making. I think I can buy a kit at the craft store-something small to start out with. It might be a great skill to learn, since making one's own candles for things such as rituals imbibes them with a greater, more personal energy. Plus, my daughter loves engaging in just about any sort of craft, and I love doing them with her. I'm trying to find a balance once again between my spiritual backgrounds, since leaving one of them in the proverbial dust isn't working out so great for me. In order to feel really great about and really centered within my spiritual path, to really feel connected to my H.P., I need to incorporate different elements from my heritage into my spiritual practice. Some might not agree with this, but I think it can work for me, given that I possess a rather broad concept of God- as Father, Mother, wind, moon, star, nature. I believe that there is spirit in everything-in the trees, the oceans, the wind. My concept of spirit doesn't exactly fit into a neat box, but I think that, for me, it works most days.

A Wedding

Yesterday we attended the wedding of two old friends who have gone through so much together and in their separate lives. It was really nice; the romantic in me really gets off on the idea that this couple was one destined to be together somehow because they separated for a long time, dated other people, and then came back together again. There were so many people at the wedding N and I know, so it was fun on that level also. We didn't get to do too much dancing but I threw down a little bit on the dancefloor with my little one. There were too other adorable little girls at the party who were close in age to her so she enjoyed running around with them. A friend of ours snapped this picture of me and my little family and emailed it to me this morning. Thanks, Sam!

It was nice to have the distraction of a wedding yesterday. For at least one day N and I both managed to not think about the financial C-R-A-P and this morning N's priest said he received a message that we will be getting some money this Tuesday. I wrote an invocation this morning for help from our current crisis and will spend a little quiet prayer time with the Great Mother later today or tomorrow morning. I keep feeling like our situation is going to turn out alright somehow, but I'm still not sure what action we will need to take to turn this feeling into a reality. More will be revealed as time goes on. I'm still evolving spiritually, experimenting with what feels good to me, finding my connection with a higher power to be stronger when some Celtic tradition and communing with nature is thrown into the mix. I'm okay with that; I think I've accepted that my spiritual path is never going to be exactly like anyone else's but that there are so many people with whom I can relate through the different aspects of my own spiritual path, winding though it seems to be.