A Friday Night Out!!!

I'm suddenly feeling a little bit tired and I think that's reflected in my eyes today (or, should I say, under them!!) but I still feel good. A near and dear friend is watching the baby tonight so N and I can go out together alone. I'm looking forward to enjoying a date with my husband; I have my red cowboy boots on for the occasion!!! I watched "Bowling for Columbine" last night. I'd seen it before but it really got to me this time, particularly when Michael Moore talked about a six year old girl being murdered by a six year old classmate. Our country is so messed up; the statistics for violence are so much lower in Canada than they are here, and the only reason I could come up with for that is that, in general, our values here are so screwed up and it's so difficult to make a good, comfortable living. The norm here in the U.S. seems to be that people live to work rather than working to live. We get so caught up in the rat race that we don't have time to spend with our children and families, with the people who are really valuable to us. Healthcare is something that WAY too many of us can't afford, and those of us who can afford some form of healthcare often can't afford a decent health plan. A woman shouldn't have to work two jobs just to pay her rent and then have no time left to spend raising her son (which was the case with the six year old who killed that little girl). The poverty levels in this country are rising, and with the current system in place we seem to be working toward eradicating the middle class all together. I turn on the news and I'm bombarded with images of car wrecks, homicides, domestic violence, and enough sadness to completely ruin the dinner hour. Surely good, positive things happen during the day??? It's seems that our society is hooked on bad news like we're hooked on junk food. The problem is that, much like junk food, it doesn't sit very well in our bellies once it's gone down. I'm the sort of person who turns my head when I pass a car accident on the highway. I hate seeing people hurt and I abhor violence. I think that what saddens me the most is how powerless I feel over all of the pain that's going on in the world. I can control only my own actions. I can adopt one of the kittens at St. Francis Mission that is badly in need of love and care. I can spend time with my own daughter and tell her every day how much I love her. I can help to create a warm, comfortable home environment for my family, I can pray, I can spread love through my artwork. What I can't do, if I want to make any difference at all in the world, is become too depressed or down about what I can't change.

Aisling Needs.....

Okay, I don't usually do this, but AndyT13 recommended doing this for amusement, so here goes. You are supposed to put " (your name) needs" into Google and then write down the first ten results. Here is what I came up with:

1.) Aisling needs to tell me where the pack of files Paul made is, because I lost that email.

2.) Aisling needs a good slapping at times. (ouch!!)

3.) Aisling needs to have more dignity and not always go running into Drake's arm.

4.) Aisling Needs To Grow Up.

5.) Aisling needs to ______.

6.) Aisling needs a craft.

7.) Aisling needs a sibling!

Very interesting.

Sigh

http://f3.yahoofs.com/blog/43b985a8zb56daa7a/39/__sr_/b201.jpg?mgoD5gEB.WvEUiJK

My heart hurts today. On the one hand, it was a good weekend. My hubby's parents were in town this weekend and we spent a lot of time with them. Little Bug got to hang with her grandparents and she really took to them, and right away. They were so excited to be around her and it was great watching her with them. They even had a chance to spend some time alone with her while we went to a couple of meetings. This morning the baby and I were both baptized, and I felt like I'd returned to my Catholic roots and feel whole again. Conversely, it was a rough weekend. Some business issues have come up and we need to make some serious decisions about people we have working for us. Sometimes people don't want to help themselves and, at that point, they are beyond help until the time comes when they realize they have a problem and surrender to some sort of recovery (and sometimes that time never arrives). A close girl friend of mine went out and drank yesterday, after I'd spent some time with her on the phone and thought I'd been able to help her to a point where she wasn't going to drink. I am very worried about her; I can't reach her by telephone and neither can anyone else, including her daughter. She is the baby's God Mother, and she was absent from the church this morning, but I refused to find someone else. I refuse to give up on her. But I'm really hurting inside over it, sick with the worry that comes when a friend starts ripping and running again. I know that she is feeling despair and sadness, remorse and regret right now and I wish I could make her feel better, I wish I could give her the gift of recovery. All I can do is pray for her and keep on the right path myself. I called her and left another message telling her that I love her and that I'm here for her. And she'll be in my prayers.

What is Customer Service???

Today I am frustrated because I have to go all the way back to Target to get my money back for an overcharge that happened yesterday. I bought a box of wipes there and was charged for two boxes, which is very annoying because each box cost $8.00. The whole reason I buy them there is that they are cheaper than at the supermarket. The day before yesterday I went to Sally Beauty Supply for some stuff and realized that the cashier was so busy trying to sell me something that I didn't want that he didn't ring in some barrettes and hair ties I wanted for my daughter. I suppose the lesson in all of this is that I need to check both my receipts and my bags more carefully before leaving the store. At least the weather is rainy today and it's not a good park day, so going to Target won't interfere with us going someplace else. Still, it's frustrating when a trip needs to be made to someplace that is rather out of the way (I went there yesterday because this particular Target is located next to Whole Foods, where I do much of my grocery shopping). I haven't had time to paint all week and desperately need to get some creative energy flowing. There is some financial yuckiness going on in our lives right now and I find myself constantly battling the anxiety that knocks at my door every day. I feel as though faith (and a whole lotta hard work) will pull us through this situation and help us come out of it both sane and stronger as a couple, but some days it's very difficult to maintain that attitude of serenity!!!

Painting Fool

That's what I was this afternoon; I finally had some time this week to work on the painting for St. Francis. Ah, the smell of paint in the afternoon!!! I'm happy about the way it's coming along and I'm really enjoying working on it. It's just hard to find time; I think each day that I'll have an hour or two to paint, but then the baby doesn't take a nap, or somebody calls me and I answer the phone, or work stuff comes up, etc., etc.. Life rarely pays heed to the schedules we create. Now I'm about to give the baby a bath and read her a story. I'm happily tired and feel like I accomplished a lot today, despite that I felt very overwhelmed this morning, for some reason. Every once in awhile the depression threatens to creep in; it's like a grey veil that starts to drift over my head, and I have to make like I'm on a sailboat and blow, blow the negativity away with the winds of positive energy. My creativity is about the only thing that's really just mine these days, and it's important to me. I was so into the painting that I didn't even mind when my husband came home. Usually other people being around distracts me. Today, not so much! ::::PS-this picture is not my painting-it's beautiful but I can't take credit for it!

And the Debate Roars On

So, everyone is raving about this book. I, myself have not yet read it; I just finished "Angels and Demons" and found it to be a lot of fun. All around town, people are buzzing. At church on Sunday the priest called it a "bunch of crap". Josh Bernstein did a television special delving into the possibility that Jesus had a daughter and discovered that no only was there no scientific evidence to prove this theory, but also that the famed Priory of Sion was an organization dreamed up by Pierre Plantard who, incidentally, was not a man known for his honesty and integrity. Dan Brown has written a marvelous story (as I said, I've only heard discussions about it, but "Angels and Demons" was action packed and very imaginative) that is based very loosely on fact but is very much mostly fiction. I think he's probably enjoying the notoriety his book has acheived, and it's been fun delving into the mystery of it all, but enough already! It's fiction, people. F-I-C-T-I-O-N.

A Matter of Heritage?

I was born Catholic; Irish Catholic, to be exact. Most of my family is Irish; in the final analysis I'm about 3/4 Irish and I identify very strongly with all things Celtic and Irish. My grandparents believed in the holiness of the Pope (as do I) and the issue of an Ireland free of British rule always loomed large in our home. I was raised believing that the IRA (Irish Republican Army) are soldiers in a war that has been going on for far, far too long. In my heart I hold very strong opinions about how the Irish were treated by the English and it is my sincere belief that the English will never be able to make up for the evils they have done to the country of my ancestry. All of this said, my father's side of the family is Jewish (although his mother was an Irish Catholic who converted when she married my Papa), so as kids my brothers and I weren't raised specifically with any religion. We got bits and peices from both sides and weren't expected to have any great committment to either (at least, from our parents). I've lived my whole life wondering what I believe, reading books on religion, calling my Higher Power by different names, even praying for some sign from God about what He/She wants me to call Him/Her. For a long time now I've held a Jewish stance on the issue because I felt like I related most to Jewish ideas. Lately, however, I've really been gravitating more toward my Irish heritage, and that's lead me along quite a different path. Even in practicing Judaism my prayers have taken a Celtic bent; I've always been drawn to Irish traditions, cooking and even the Catholic concept of honoring Mary. For some reason, I've always been drawn to Mary. Sometimes the only thing I know is that I am (besides being American, of course!) Irish, that the blood of my lineage runs strong through my veins and that it's important to me. Ireland calls to me like a lost lover. I once read that it's impossible to truly know ones self until one has traveled to the place from which our roots came. Maybe right now I'm just trying to make that journey with as true a heart as possible.

All You Need is Love, Love

I guess I'm harping a lot lately about the issue of love and tolerance, but I suppose that I've been thinking about it so much because I've seen such a lack of it in the world lately. My mind wraps around the voice of the President of Iran saying that he wants to wipe Israel off the face of the map. I have a friend who is Iranian. When I was pregnant with my daughter he gave me a St. Michael medallion, Michael being a guardian angel who fights evil. I wore it the whole time I was pregnant, believing in it's good energy and appreciating the kindness of the friend who gave it to me. Over dinner once he commented about how funny it was that an Iranian and a Jewish woman could have a peaceful dinner amongst friends at the same table, while across the ocean Iranians and Jews are fighting. It's very sad; we're all people at the end of the day, with families we love and who love us, with friends and dreams and the need to eat and sleep. Most of us aren't evil, although some people are. Right now I am doing a painting for St. Francis mission; it's a painting they asked me to do and it has a Christian theme. I am enjoying the creative process behind getting it done and using all my good energy to create a beautiful rendition of the cross the painting is based upon. I was born Catholic (Irish Catholic, to be exact) and so I do feel a tie to Catholism and love Catholic art. I can go to church with my husband and dig a lot of what is being said, even if my own beliefs run counter to some of it. Alternatively, my husband sometimes goes to synagogue with me and says the same thing; he doesn't feel threatened by people who follow a different faith from his own. Maybe growing up in the absence of any organized religion gave me a different perspective. My parents didn't raised us with a little of Christianity and Judaism because they didn't want to "pick a side" when it came to their families and most of what I learned about God I learned through my own endeavors. I grew up reading about Mary, watching the Pope on television, and also attending Seders and bar/bat mitzvahs as well as various holidays in the synagogue. I grew up with a sense of there being a loving God who different people called by different names. I look at my daughter and she is so innocent. She knows nothing of racial prejudice, anti-semitism, religious persecution, or war. I wish that none of had to know of these things. I suppose that the only good created by these things is that each of us has the opportunity to spread love through our refusal to honor them. The real gift is our ability to choose and to take right actions, and I think all of the world's major religions teach us that love should always be the side on which we err.

Friday Night at Home

Today was the 17th anniversary of my father's death and I think I've handled it better this year than in years past. I lit a candle this morning, said a prayer for him and talked to him a little bit, then let the candle burn for awhile. The sadness overtook me briefly while I was in the car this afternoon (music always has the power to reach those sensitive areas which I can usually hide with girly brovado) but I have so many things to be grateful for that I tried to just pull myself back to the moment. I had dinner tonight with a couple of girl friends who I don't get to hang out with too much anymore and that was nice. Little R didn't want to eat anything but french fries but what the hell. I think she ate a few scraps of chicken, and usually she eats healthy food, so a day of french fries once in awhile is okay (she ate half of a grilled cheese sandwhich and a bunch of fries for lunch). The picture of Boston is one I took years ago when I was living downtown. It's so old that this area doesn't look like the picture anymore. More buildings have been added to the skyline. I decided to use this picture because it's part of the past and that's what I had to fight today-the faded pictures of my past lives. It's okay to wander down those hallways sometimes, and fun to remember the good stuff, but inevitably it always turns melancholy for me and I can't take too much melancholy now that I don't drink.

Don't Tread on Me Either

So, as an American and as an artist I believe wholly in freedom of speech even when I don't like or agree with what is being said. I believe in the right to organize, to protest, and to fight for the things we believe in. That does not, however, stop my buttons from occasionally being pushed. Maybe I just strongly dislike it when people play the victim for all it's worth, and I definitely dislike when people throw daggers, even if it's unintentionally, at my religion. I love everyone to the best of my ability, it makes no difference to me what religion they practice, what color the skin they live in happens to be, what their political affiliations are, etc. I don't love everything people do, and I have a strong disdain for people who hurt others, whether physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, or otherwise. I especially dislike when people do these things in the name of their God; to me that represents a sort of blasphemy. If you want to do evil, then call it evil and do it because it's what your twisted mind tells you to do. Don't do it under the guise of following your own skewed form of religion, taking just what you like from your religious teachings and disposing of the parts which tell you to live life with love and in peaceful countenance with your fellows. And, when someone does do something like blows up a building or flies airplanes into office buildings full of innocent people, and then basically broadcasts that they are doing it because their religion tells them that American culture is decadent and sinful, lets call it what it is- murder!!! It seems to me that so many people want to critisize American culture and Americans in general, yet our country is full to the brim with new people moving here every day and American pop culture is alive and well in Europe. If you don't like us, don't try to be like us, okay??? I'm not sure I support the war that is going on. I don't agree with schools and playgrounds full of children being bombed and I hate violence of any kind. And when someone looks at me they should look at me as an individual American, not someone represented by Bush, who I did not vote for and whose ethics or lack thereof I do not agree with. They should look at me as the descendent of Irish immigrants who came here because they were bullied out of their country by the English, and who instead of simply playing the victim, rose above the prejudice and cruelty they encountered here in America to become a powerful, largely successful group of people. They should look at me as a woman who chose Judaism as my faith because I believe it to be (and know it to be through much study) a religion of love and family and a deep trust in God. I just read an article in which a woman is very angry about her religion being slandered. I don't blame her. The thing is, Islam is being given a bad rap because there are many Islamics in the world right now claiming that the evil acts they commit are okay because their religion tells them this is so (Islam does not tell them this is so; in fact, they have taken what they want from the Quran to support their right to violence and disregarded the parts that tell them to refrain from killing). Anyway, it pains me that people can't get along. If someone's beliefs are different from mine, and that person isn't threatening my right to practice my own beliefs, why should I feel angry that they don't believe what I do???? The three major religions of the world started out on the same path, sparked by God entering into a covenant with the Jewish people. If we all started out with the same God, what the hell are we fighting about??????

Hungry, Hungry

N is sleeping after having worked all day long and I am starving!!!!! Little R is running around the house tearing the place apart. I suppose that I should wake up N; we might hit a drive in tonight since going to the movies with a 1 1/2 year old is pretty much out of the question! We tried once and ended up leaving after receiving several dirty looks from the other movie goers. Luckily, the movie was horrible and we didn't care. The baby and I spent this afternoon at Borders bookstore looking at kids' books. I bought the baby her first puzzle (a simple alphabet puzzle from which the "Z" has already disappeared, probably to someplace like Underthefridge City or Sofaland). Well, I'm off to nudge hubby, before I do something crazy like eat my keyboard.

Friday Night-Does that even mean anything for a full time Mom???

I found this flamingo picture online at the Mike Kaplan wildlife gallery. His pictures are super cool; I love flamingos. They're so symbolic of warm weather and sunshine. When I was a kid my Grandmother had plastic ones in her flower garden up north. I thought they were the coolest thing when I was little. Anyway, just wanted to give credit for the picture. I'm not in any way trying to bite anyone elses work and I love giving a heads up to other people when I see photography or other artwork which I think is killer. Check out his website!!! I'm not sure if N is working tomorrow. I'm afraid to ask him because I'm hoping he's not working and will be disappointed if he says he is. Is that co-dependent? It's just that, well, when he works on Saturday our day becomes just like any other day, unless I can make plans with a girl friend to do something fun, which sometimes happens. He works so hard all week long that when the weekend comes I love it when he's around, even if we don't do much of anything. Saturdays should be sacred; actually, they are to me. Even when I was working a "regular" job I didn't work on Saturday. It's just my thing-the Sabbath and all. So, here's to tomorrow being Saturday, whatever the day might bring!!!!

Positive Vibes

I feel better today than I have over the past two days. Not that I've been in a very negative space, but I was feeling a sort of unexplainable malaise, as if something wasn't quite right. I've done a lot of meditating over the past two mornings, really trying to delve into the heart of my discontent and was lead to some answers, which has lead me to some solutions. If I'm in the solution then I'm moving away from the problem, part of which is that I project too much. I will take one issue and build on it until I have this horrifying scenario in mind, a scenario which will probably never happen and is greatly blown out of proportion. Over the past two days I've tried to stay in the "now" and focus on what's in front of me, and also to stay focused on the things that stir my passion, such as my artwork. I really need, more than ever, to be focused on my creativity. It's a gift I was given for a reason, a gift I need to share, and by not dedicating enough time to it I'm driving myself crazy. Vincent Van Gogh used to say that he painted because he had to; it was what fed his soul and not painting would have been like a sort of death. I understand that. I think that the mind of an artist tends to be very sensitive and attuned to all that is, and when we don't pour out our artistic energy it stays inside and turns into an unpleasant static. We need to heed the call of the song our soul sings to us; that's what I got out of the meditation I did this morning, and I think that's something I really need to remember right now.

Wednesday

I couldn't think of a snappy title for my blog entry today, so "Wednesday" will have to do. After kvetching yesterday about the environment and making the comment about Greenpeace, I returned home this afternoon to find a flyer from them in my mailbox. I might join them; I think their actions go a long way in protecting the environment and obviousy some aggression is needed these day with the current administration being what it is. It seems like people in power can do just about anything they want if they know whose palms to grease, and that's just so unacceptable. Now that I have a child I feel very protective of all children everywhere, and it makes me fighting mad when I hear about silos full of toxic sludge being erected next to schools full of kids. It's not right that big corporations can bully people around, force them off land that's been in their families for generations, force people out of homes they love and which they've worked hard to afford, and then pay off judges or just plain bribe or bully them to win in court when people try to fight for their right to clean air and water and a safe environment in which to raise their children. Maybe if enough people would fight for the safety of our earth and vote people into office who are willing to put our collective health and well being before big money we'd have a chance against these ignorant jerks!

Oh my aching wallet!!!!

I didn't take this picture-the credit for that goes to an article I read on Yahoo regarding the current gasoline/oil crisis. It cost me $30.00 to fill my little Kia yesterday, and the tank wasn't even completely empty. We could be heading into a time of major crisis in this country and very soon. The rising cost of oil trickles down to everything else-airline tickets, your grocery store bill, services such as plumbing, etc. When gasoline becomes more expensive, so does everything else. My husband is in the construction industry and when the hurricane hit Louisiana last year, distrupting the oil refining industry, the cost of pipe rose, which meant that he had to raise his prices as well. There was a brief mini crisis in the plumbing industry when no one could find pipe, let alone afford to pay for it. And, speaking of Lousiana, due pollution caused by the oil industry Lousiana's state bird, the brown pelican, was wiped out in the state. We need an alternative source of fuel, something cleaner than oil (and coal) and something that will relieve us of our dependence on these foreign countries who are constantly in some sort of chaos and with whom the U.S. always seem to have issues. It would give me no greater pleasure than for our country to be able to tell them to take their overpriced oil and shove it up their collective arses. While I'm on my tirade, I also recently read an article on the mountaintop mining that is taking place in Appalachia. If you don't know anything about it, read up on it. It a shining example of how little the big wigs in the oil and coal industries actually care about the people off whom they're making money. There is a fantastic article in the May issue of Vanity Fair; I read it while I was on the treadmill at the gym and became so angry that my heart rate shot up even more (if you have any sort of environmental conscience it's probably not a good idea to read this article at the gym). The article details the whole process of mountaintop mining and relates that in Whitesville, West Virginia, children are going to school next to an open pit containing highly toxic liquid-the byproduct of cleaning coal. I don't know about you, but I don't want my daughter going to school anywhere near a place where she will be exposed to toxic chemical fumes of any kind, or where she could be the victim of a major accident should the impoundment holding the toxic brew fail and release all of it's foul waste. And I don't care how likey or unlikely it is that this would happen; I would't be willing to take a chance like that with my child's life, and I wouldn't support any company who would. I wonder if Greenpeace knows about this... Well, with that, we're going to go have dinner. I've made myself angry enough.

Passover, etc...

We had a seder at our house for the first time ever on Wednesday night and it was really wonderful. We just had a few friends here and it was very informal, but it was fun and I was happy that we did something to celebrate. By the end of the holiday I will be tired of eating matzah, I'm sure, but for now it's still yummy. I think I'm going to have to change my email IM setting; these creeps keep trying to have a conversation with me, and it's very annoying. They all have such obviously scummy names, too, as if I would actually talk with them. Puhleeze!!! Today it was hot outside; a precursor to the coming heat of summer. I spoke recently with my Colorado friend, and my heart is screaming to go out there. I really need a mountain fix. My soul doesn't feel complete around all of this water and no real forests or raging rivers or mountains. I have the spirit of the forests and mountains within me and it never goes away no matter how much I try to ignore it (because I live in Florida and that's not likely to change any time soon, although I do believe that God creates miracles, so you never know). Ah well.

Strange Life Situations

I'm learning that the older I get, the stranger life becomes. Lately N and I crossed paths with a woman (man???) who has a gender issue. Clearly, she is a woman, but she dresses in men's suits, goes by a man's name and refers to herself, in the third person, as "he". She attends a group N and I also frequent and has taken to using the men's bathroom there, prompting discomfort in many of the men who also use this particular group for support. She has incited the hostility of at least one of the men, who told her in no uncertain terms that she shouldn't be using the men's bathroom. All of this is strange, but the issue that's really bothering me is not her sexual confusion but that fact that lately her personality has taken a rather hostile turn. At first, she seemed to be a kind, fairly calm person. Lately, however, a great deal of anger has been bubbling up from her being, creating emotional outbursts in the meetings and leading me to want to shy away from having any close contact with her. I don't care to expose our daughter to that sort of negative energy at this point in her young life. Having attended both art school and cosmetology school, I've enjoyed friendships with plenty of gay men. Additionally, I've had friends who were lesbians. On some level, I can understand them; I'm straight, but I can acknowledge that women are beautiful, and, certainly, I love men (although, except for my husband, in a purely platonic way). But, I'm about as girly as girls come. It used to offend me when friends would point that out, but it's true. I love clothes, I love make up, I love coloring my hair (sorry, no natural blondes here!). I love being outdoors, hate sitting still, love hanging with the guys, but I love being a girl. I can't relate to wanting to wear men's clothing (puhleeze), having a guy's name (I changed my name because I wanted something more feminine in sound and meaning and also desired a name that gave a nod to my Irish roots). So, I can't relate to this woman on a level of understanding her desire to live a straight lifestyle as a man. I don't see how that can happen for her, but that's none of my business. I just hope that when I see her (she's taken a liking to my husband and I and this has offered her the comfortability to tell us about sexual things which neither of us wants to hear about, especially in front of our daughter) I can detach in a gentle, kind way. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want to hear about her collection of toys or anything like that. It just skeeves me out.

Ahh Swimming in April

We took the baby in the pool for the first time yesterday afternoon. I wasn't half as terrified as I'd thought I'd be seeing her in the water. Actually, despite that I'm not a big fan of H2O, I had fun along with Little R and my dearest N and enjoyed being in the pool. Maybe there is hope for snorkeling this summer... Anyway, it's great that Little R wasn't afraid. She splashed around and had a good time and when we took her out of the pool she kept creeping back over to the stairs and sticking her feet back into the water. Hooray!!! On another note, I'm definitely not pregnant; I'm fighting off some sort of bug (again). I woke up this morning feeling like a bus had hit me while I was sleeping but I feel slightly better now. No little brothers or sisters for my baby girl, at least for now. Hooray!!

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?"

Everybody make sure you set your clocks ahead one hour this Saturday!!!!! If not, for sure you will be late for work on Monday!!! (Incidentally, I've forgotten to do this before only to receive a phone call from work asking why I wasn't there...) Thank God my husband is my boss nowadays, and he knows how flaky I sometimes can be. (Calm down, all you feminists. I do the paperwork for my husband's business, hence the whole "boss" title...) I have been feeling tired and kind of yucky over the past few days. Feeling this way always causes me anxiety because it's remeniscent of how I felt when I was pregnant and I don't want to be pregnant again. My Mom might be Catholic but I don't feel it necessary to have ten children (unless that's your desire). The coolest thing for me about pregnancy was feeling the baby move around. Other than that, it was nine plus months of feeling nauseus, not being able to fit into my regular clothes, not being able to breathe once the baby got big (at around six months), not being able to do much walking because if I did my ankles would swell, and having to put up with countless numbers of people telling me what I should/shouldn't be eating, what the sex of my baby was (I'd had an ultrasound and knew she was a girl, but some people insisted that I was having a boy because I was carrying totally in the front-extremely aggravating), and how all of these horrible things were going to happen to my body (to date I've lost all the baby weight plus more, and I came out of the whole thing with no stretch marks or varicose veins). I don't want to go there again, no matter how much of a blessing I believe children to be. I love my little boobala and every minute of my pregnancy was worth the privilege of being her Mom, but I'm content to have one baby. That said, if it turns out that I'm pregnant you all will have to put up with months of listening to me kvetch about how awful I feel, so keep your fingers crossed that I'm not!!!!!

The Changing Winds...

Some days I just literally thank God for the stability that comes with having a child. Another girl friend of mine told me she and her husband are moving away (not for about five years, but still, they're leaving). Nearly everyone I know is getting tired of living in South Florida because of the hurricanes and the congestion that's coming with all of the new people moving here. Also, most of the people I know who have kids don't want their kids going to school here, and a teacher friend of mine (who just told me she is moving to Georgia) backed up their sentiments on Sunday by telling me the middle and high schools here are generally terrible. I grew up in Boston, where everything felt so solid. Here everything feels so transient and it's difficult to become too close to anyone because so many people don't stay here. We've been talking about moving away also, but we're not sure where we want to go. I'm leaning more toward North Carolina, I think. I love the weather here during the winter but I'd like to raise my little one with better values than the ones I see here. There are good people here, don't get me wrong, but there is so much to contend with when it comes to raising children. I'm fearful of Little R growing up here. I'd like her to have a sense of God in her life, and to be able to grow up running around in the woods like I did when I was small. There aren't many woods left around here; the cities keep cutting them down so they can replace the real trees with palms that offer nothing in the way of shade and nothing in the way of habitat for the animals who have no place to go because the trees have been mowed down. My husband is licensed in Florida and knows people here, so he's hesitant to leave the state, but we'll see what happens. Time will tell. In the meantime, it's a day at a time, enjoying each day, creating, laughing, living, loving my family and thanking God for Little R.